Apologies
Mood:  down
Now Playing: I Want Your Love- Transvision Vamp
Topic: Aimless Post


Evening,

I'm sorry I haven't posted much recently but I've been a bit tired and depressed and consequently didn't have much of any interest to say.

I have managed to agree to represent at a benefit tribunal this Friday only to realise too late that I was supposed to have a day off this Friday. Grrrr! I do not approve of working when I don't have to.

On a happier note it would appear that summer has arrived at long last! I felt like I was been slowly boiled alive at work today and was very glad when five o'clock arrived and I could escape to somewhere cool and shady.

I note that some arseholes have been setting fire to mosques as 'revenge' for the bombs in London. On that logic then I presume racists wouldn't mind if a homosexual set fire to the BNP offices as 'revenge' for the Soho nail bomb. The irony of course is that mosque burners and the London bombers have more in common than the may imagine with their entirely warped and demented views on Islam.

Other than that I've little to report other than the discovery of this excellent blog so I'm off to eat my cherries.

Cheerio

Sweepings From The Floor Of My Brain.
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: Hardly Wait- PJ Harvey
Topic: Aimless Post


Evening,

As the sharp eyed amongst you will have noticed I haven't posted much this week. This is as a direct result of my new and exciting ebay obsession. I have resisted ebay for years now but have found that a good online browse eases the loneliness. To date I have purchased a Christian Dior handbag, a Japanese kimono and a purple dress. I am presently bidding furiously on a shalwar kameez, a turban, a smoking jacket, a fan and a job lot of costume jewelery. Sweet Jesus I think I might be recovering my sense of style at long last!

I have decided that I will not be marching to make poverty history in Edinburgh tomorrow. Any protest march that Jack McConnell and Gordon Brown plan to join is a wee bit too establishment for me.

Moving on, the Scottish Parliament have announced that smoking in pubs will be banned from the 26th March 2006. The 26th March 2006 is also my 31st birthday. As an 18 year old I could smoke and drink in any pub that would have me on my birthday. I was deemed to be an adult, capable of choosing what I do with my own body. At the age of 31 the state has claimed those rights. Wankers!

I don't buy all this crap about 'protecting the workers'. Nobody has to work in a pub. There are many low paid, unskilled jobs to choose from that don't expose you to smoke. There is also the fact that there is no proven link between cancer and passive smoking. Oh yes and ventilation works as proved by a study conducted in the second finest pub in Glasgow. The irony is none of this is reducing the number of people who smoke. As sales have fallen in the west the tobacco companies have moved into the third world where legislation is virtually non existent regarding health warnings etc. Until the ridiculous smoking bans were proposed we had at last got it more or less right in this country on smoking. There are voluntary bans on public transport, nicotine substitutes available on the NHS and a good policy of public education.
I was going to end there but it's my blog and I'll rant if I want to, fag in one hand typing with the other!

The political wing of the Provisional IRA, Sinn Fein have come out in favour of a smoking ban. At first I thought it was a joke! But no, Sinn Fein think it is acceptable pub behaviour to attack a man with sewer rods and kitchen knives then batter his friend with the same rods before slitting a 2ft wound from his waist to his shoulder, severing his intestine and pulling it out through his ribs, and jumping on his head so hard that one of his eyes is forced out it's socket, as long as you apologise and offer to kill the perpetrators afterwards and don't smoke while you do it. Yet from March next year I'll be the anti-social one.

Cheerio

Random Mutterings
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: The River- PJ Harvey
Topic: Aimless Post





Evening,

Do the jury on the Micheal Jackson trial have special needs or something? What's taking them so long? 'OK people do you think he did it?' '....uh..well...I guess Bad was a neat album...I listen to it my trailer..' For fucks sake he's a forty six year old man that gets children mad on the drink then fucks them! Convict! Convict!


Moving swiftly on I was touched by this charity appeal in Grazia.

'Win Prada’s new #635 “IT” bag for Make Poverty History'

A #635 handbag that makes poverty history! Whatever next, 'Chanel For Socialism'?. It's not the handbag that offends me. It's not even the cost. If it was any good, I'd buy it. I just find rampant consumerism and poverty a somewhat queasy juxtaposition.

Right I'm off to bed.


Cheerio

There Is Nothing Of Use To Any Sentient Being In My Head.
Mood:  silly
Now Playing: Carmen-Bizet
Topic: Aimless Post


WAAAAAAH! I am a foolish person! Watch me roll about in a bikini! If I was laid end to end It wouldn't surprise me! Look! Listen! I belch! Good Evening.

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you Ladette To Lady. What a concept! Imagine a set of working class women with a set of instructions! Can they follow them? My God what will happen next?

OOOOOOH! A WITCH! FUCK ME! A REAL WICCA WITCH! LIVE FROM THE HOUSE PLEASE DO NOT SWEAR THIS IS BIG BROTHER! Fuck Off!


Hi Rebecca I'm nice. I'm Pauline I mean you no harm.
FUCK RIGHT OFF!


The tension mounts...... Will the Titmuss or the Loos leave fuckpig island first?

Oh look here comes Johnny Vegas wasted in a shit format.

There is no point to television anymore.

Cheerio

My Aimless Wandering
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: I Threw It All Away- Bob Dylan
Topic: Aimless Post




Afternoon,

I have spent the day wandering about in the fresh air and very nice it was too. There were some born again Christians having a good old preach on Argyle St. I don't know why but I find these people quite unsettling. I don't believe in God but when they start all that stuff about being saved I feel a tiny and nagging bit of doubt and start worrying that they might be on to something. I don't think I'm that bad a person and a Christian friend of mine did once remark that I was more Christian than most Christians so I might be OK come the day of judgment. But what if I'm not? What if God really does have nothing better to do than get angry about me coveting vibrating pants on the Sabbath? It's an awful puzzle and now I've gone and got into one of my states, so I'm going to swiftly change the subject and go back to hooting at the less fortunate. I know it's a bore and the joke was well and truly over several posts ago but I can't help it. For the love of Jesus go and look at Sian's blog. The wave of death and mutilation continues to alarm and amuse. How can one person have so many dead and mutilated friends and relatives? Anyway our simple minded human curse is rattling on about the time her mum fell through the ceiling whilst retrieving a box from the attic. Her plight was made worse by a Samurai sword falling out the attic after her and slicing her leg open. Is someone somewhere making this stuff up for my amusement?

Anyway I'm off now to scoff some sushi before going to the pictures.

Cheerio.

Is an Orange Walk Really Necessary At 9am?
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Hounds of Love- The Futureheads
Topic: Aimless Post



Evening,

I had a most unfortunate start to the day. I was in bed in the midst of an odd and unsettling dream in which I'd lost my boyfriend and was frantically trying to locate him before an ice-cream I had generously purchased him melted. Before I could track the ungrateful pig down I was woken suddenly by the sound of banging and whistling. Yes readers the marching season is upon us. Is an Orange walk really necessary at nine o'clock on a Saturday morning? Anyway I was most impressed as ever by the ladies and their unique sense of style, particularly the female flute band resplendent in pink, they even had a big cerise pink drum! However I'd have been more impressed at a more civilised hour of the day like 3pm for example.

I've done very little since then other than eating, sleeping and reading the papers however I did come across this gem during a swish around the internet. I'd always thought vibrating pants were a rather naff joke item but after reading that story I've been forced to rethink. An orgasm so good it knocks you out! I was planning to go swimming tomorrow morning but I think a wee trip to Ann Summers might be in order instead.


Cheerio

An Orgy! Some Squaddies! Jokes Over!
Mood:  special
Now Playing: An Honest Mistake- The Bravery
Topic: Aimless Post


Evening,

I have been cheered up immensely by this evening's Popbitch. Tonight's revelations concern a son of Mohammed Al-Fayed's (presumably not Dodi) hosting orgies which are attended by several prominent MPs. How wildly exciting! I feel a tabloid scandal emerging.

I have also been passing the time playing with my new statistics tracker thing. It's a mine of information on you lot and your antics. Today I have had readers from Sweden, Morocco, Australia and boring old Britain. Sadly most of them appear to have arrived here looking for that ridiculous film of the tubby squaddies doing that Amarillo thing.

For the love of God people, the joke is over. It's no longer funny. Once you've spotted Shakey in the original video and marveled at the look of sheer joy on Shelly from Coronation St's face- thats it. Not funny anymore. So please let's not have another charity nude calender style one joke glut again.


Right I am now going to devote my full attention to Footballers Wives.

Cheerio

40 Plus Bukkake Party In A Tent With Added Wolves.
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Man Ray- The Futureheads
Topic: Aimless Post


Evening,

After yesterdays minor panic you will be relieved to hear that everything is fine. Nobody has called me a cow. I'm just being spied on by giant insects, which doesn't really surprise me. It certainly explains the shocking state of my nerves. Anyway it would appear that Mr Pond is not hostile! Hurrah that's now two sites that link to me out of love or pity. You crazy guys, I knew you were all just pretending you didn't read my ramblings to see what I'd do next.

I was back at work today for the first time after my holiday. Irritating work colleague managed to send me into a fit of rage with his pointless wittering within about five minutes. For fucks sake the first day back after a holiday is always the pits, I fail to see how it can be improved by some rubber faced goon bouncing up to you saying 'glad to be back?' then laughing in your face with their vile stale pee breath. I endured his taunts in silence but I will have my revenge. I think I might ask him how his wife is (she, quite understandably left him recently) several times until he snaps and has another nervous breakdown. I have in my life, already driven one person to a drug induced mental collapse quite by accident, with a bit of effort I am confident I could add a suicide to my scorecard of spite.

Other than the above I've little to report. I'm still dying of loneliness. It's like a second adolescence. I can't say I'm enjoying it much. All I need now is a group of vacuous spunk buckets to befriend me then ostracise me for no apparent reason and I'll be fifteen again. I recently had a peep at Friends Reunited to see if any of the hateful scum I had the misfortune to be uneducated alongside were dead or in prison. Sadly no. More depressing still, some of them have given birth. Just what the world needs, more spiteful, ugly, mentally dead, spiritually empty, lower middle class children cluttering the place up. I bet the little runts all need inhalers constantly and have really annoying allergies.

As there are no laughs to be had here today why not swish off and do a bit of shopping here or even here.

Cheerio

So So So.
Mood:  silly
Now Playing: Destroy The Heart-The House Of Love
Topic: Aimless Post
Evening,

I have fallen off the wagon and my boil has disappeared, which is in keeping with the free advice I have received from Dr Creamcheese, that most eminent of doctors. I went to Stirling this morning largely because I was drunk and I could.

However, as with all these escapades, what is missing is my former friend Miss Webster who is one of the few people I have met with anything approaching a stamina level in the face of drunken antics.

I arrived back in Glasgow at lunchtime in time to see a very decorous Republican march. I'm glad to see someone is paying attention to me! I have lamented to several people that whilst the Republican marchers have superior flute skills to their Orange counterparts their drumming is lame. But they were on fine form today and sounded like the end of the world coming down the road with their fierce drumming.

Other than that I haven't been up to much but I have located this website which is looking extremely tempting during this period of separation from my sparring partner and favourite fine fellow.

Cheerio

Oh My God! Look at Andrew Neil!
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Christine- House of Love
Topic: Aimless Post



Evening,

There I was minding my own business watching the telly last night when I was confronted by the sight of Andrew Neil, Michael Portillo and Mark Mardell doing their own unique version of the Peter Kay and Tony Christie Amarillo video thing. Yes, it was as terrifying as it sounds. Sadly Diane Abbott didn't join in. Well maybe she appeared whilst my head was in my hands, I don't know. Still, Andrew clearly enjoyed it and was still doing the dance, if it may be termed so, as he entered the studio.

Very irritating work colleague has appeared on the bus again and is still intrigued by my reading habit. Honestly it was like trying to read a broadsheet in the company of a large and excitable dog. 'You look engrossed in that book' they said. Hmm, I replied not even looking up, all the time thinking to myself take the hint -fuck off. They then spent the rest of the day telling everyone unfortunate enough to cross their path of tedium that every time they see me on a bus I'm reading a book in tones normally reserved for the sight of a dog walking on it's hind legs. Are books banned in certain Glaswegian postcodes? Why the amazement?

Cheerio