Of Course, My 18 Year Old is Still Breastfed.
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: Van Lear Rose- Loretta Lynn
Topic: The Joys of Motherhood.



Evening,

There was a madness of middle class mothers special in The Guardian today. There they were merrily breastfeeding their 35 year old children. Actually that's an exaggeration, but I'm sorry anything that wears shoes as opposed to booties does not require breastfeeding. It all just seems so dreary. If you're breastfeeding, you're just chained to the bloody thing. Even if you don't cart it about everywhere you are drawn into the horror of the breast pump.

I suppose it's refreshing change from all that competitive stuff that breeders like to take part in; boasting about their six months old, solids eating, potty trained, viola playing brat. It all gets out of hand, until you half expect someone to claim they caught their two year old having a crafty post coital fag with a bevy of prostitutes.

Naturally I don't have children, but if I did I expect I'd buy some and get someone in to look after them so that I could carry on as before. The only time I ever thought I wanted children was when I saw a baby Sex Pistols t-shirt in Felix and Oscar but other than that I can't really see the point. Madonna went right up in my estimation when she proudly announced that, as a mother of two she'd never changed a nappy. Makes sense why buy a dog and bark yourself?

Oddly at a time when the birth rate is falling, suggesting that women are more sensible than I'd previously thought, everyone wants in on the children bit. I don't really care whether or not gays or lesbians have children but as someone whose dream lifestyle is that of a promiscuous gay man I'm amazed that they'd want to. Why throw away the one cast iron excuse left not to breed? Lesbians are a particular puzzle though, imagine giving up a lucrative porn career for motherhood. Is it possible to breastfeed with those big silicone tits?

Anyway I'm off to think about myself some more and might treat myself to a bottle of wine and twenty fags. Happy parenting!

Cheerio.