Day 13 in The No Wages House
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Basement Kiss- Wendy James
Topic: Skint


Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. My salary is now thirteen days overdue, I've gone through rage, despair and have now entered some sort of emotional vacuum whilst remaining utterly obsessed with the situation. As a result I cannot take in any other information, so for all I know the world could be due to end next Tuesday.

I have spent all evening swishing about the net getting free tarot, runes and numerology readings, frantically asking 'where is my salary?'. I can honestly state that the computer generated fortune telling software has been more helpful and sympathetic than any member of staff at the Co-operative Bank thus far. Never, ever open an account with those bastards.

My dearest wish is that when my wages turn up an enormous fireball rips through the bank's Balloon St headquarters and roasts to death everyone of the bastards. I hate them!

So until normal service is resumed please click here and hoot at some scam e-mails and the cheeky pranksters who string the scammers along with increasingly bonkers responses.

Shame, Misery and Joining The Underclass.
Mood:  down
Now Playing: My Favourite Dress- The Wedding Present
Topic: Skint
Hello,
I'm still skint. I have also managed to lose half a loaf of bread. I had it earlier, put it down to answer the phone and now it's gone. I'm off now to the cheque and pawn. A member of the underclass. The shame of it all!

I'd click here for laughs.

Irony,Theft and Comfort in an Uncaring World
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Grease Monkey- Racine
Topic: Skint



Good Evening,

It has been a day tinged with joy and sorrow. Lets get the sorrow out the road so I can send you on your way with a spring in your step.

For the third time in six months my bank have misplaced my salary cheque. I contacted them via secure messaging and got a cheeky reply from a prick called Ben. Would it surprise you to learn my reply resembled one of my more unhinged posts? They haven't replied. I am currently plotting one of my campaigns to defeat the Co-operative bank once and for all. I'll keep you posted.

I spent the evening snoozing, but woke up in time to see the fantastic Footballers Wives. A joy! There will be heads on poles over the final scene with the baby and the dog though! Even I was shocked. And very,very amused.

Watching Question Time later I was again very, very amused to see Margaret Hodge stating with a straight face that George Galloway had incited Iraqi troops to attack British Forces. Personally I would have thought the arrival of British troops on Iraqi soil with the intention of starting a war was something of an incitement to attack. Or have I missed something?

On the subject of Question Time you will be delighted to hear that I once, in my only TV appearance thus far, appeared on Question Time. No doubt my remarkable and innovative contribution to the nations political debate will be discussed in the TV history books of the future. It is, after all the only time I can recall where the words 'David Blunkett' left my mouth without me losing my temper.

Those of you who feel alone in a godless and uncaring world should give thanks to avid reader and gifted comedian Mr Doyle for drawing our attention to this truly remarkable Japanese innovation.

Blog pet Danny has put you all to shame and sent me a gift through the post. It is a copy of his fanzine. I shall read it shortly and if it's any good, I'll let you know.

Oh and finally this weeks Popbitch advises that there is further tabloid scandal to come out about that damning indictment of the British education system David Beckham. Apparently Victoria is so traumatised she has lost weight. The woman is already a sinister pouting skull on a stick, how the fuck can she lose more weight? Remove a kidney? The mind boggles.



Cheerio

Old Tin of Soup
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: I'm So Lonesome I could Cry-Johnny Cash
Topic: Skint
I've still got this awful cold and am sporting a very attractive red nose. No donations so far today so mysterious benefactor no.1 remains Queen of the week. I'm skint and have been reduced to opening a very dubious and old looking tin of soup for my tea, I didn't have the heart to check the ingredients for sudan 1. Roll on payday!

On a much happier note I am off work most of next week for some much needed rest.

Nothing much else to report so I'm off to see who or what explodes next on the Bill and read my weekly popbitch.

Poverty and my feet are killing me.
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb-U2
Topic: Skint
I got up with a spring in my step this morning as today is the holiest day of my month -payday. Upon getting to the cash point I discovered to my horror that my wages were not in. I had a grant total of 18 pence to my name. As a result I learned that it takes one hour and fifty minutes to walk from my house to my work. And what an attractive journey that is, passing through Haghill on foot being the highlight. Honestly I was close to tears by the time I got to Easterhouse. A work colleague very kindly slipped me a tenner although I don't actually know where my salary is or when I'm getting my mitts on it. Boing go the direct debits, rumble goes my stomach. My feet are horribly blistered and I feel like the Little Mermaid -every step on earth is agony. However I may have been saved by a rather unlikely source. I received an e-mail this evening from someone acting on behalf of exiled former president of Liberia Charles Taylor offering me quarter of a million pounds in exchange for a few personal details. Apart from the obvious ethical dimension -I don't accept blood money in quantities of less than one million, How fucking stupid do these people think I am?