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Clairwil Attempts To Restore Law And Order.
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: NYC-Interpol
Topic: The Idiots.


Some time ago I ranted about a new Franz Ferdinand song entitled 'Robert Anderson Is Jesus Christ' which is about a low life junkie halfwit they appear to have some sort of crush on. It has now been brought to my attention that there is a picture of Mr Anderson on the interweb. As a public service I will link to it below. If you see this man keep a close eye on your possessions.

Look at the thief!

I note from the comments on Flickr that the foul, unwashed, thieving junkie arsehole appears to be keeping a low profile somewhere in the east end of Glasgow perhaps to cut the traveling time involved in robbing the poor. Anyway if you see him and would like to tell someone about it click here or call Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111. Oh yes and if anyone ever sees the fucker throwing no doubt stolen lighters at pigeons or any other bird or animal I urge you to bring the full force of the SSPCA down on his repellent pasty head.

Together we can rid society of this pointless, ginger parasite.


Posted by Clairwil at 1:39 PM BST
Updated: 08/09/05 1:45 PM BST
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Giggling Like A Fool At Fools.
Mood:  silly
Now Playing: Pin- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Topic: The Idiots.

Good Afternoon,

I've not mentioned her for a while but in a disgraceful act of cyber bullying I am going to have a good old sneer at Sian's recent blog entries. I'm happy to announce that Sian has now married Mark and her account of the wedding to is truly fucking hilarious.

Here are a few highlights.

'tasha (cbm) started to cry when she saw me in my dress.'

'when it was just me and dad in the house dad told me how sorry he was for everything thats happened between me and him lately and how he was proud of me i then had to remind him to go to the toilet lol.'

'in the morning we had a big breakfast and champagne and it was like a dream.'

I'm sorry but if one of my friends started crying when they saw me in a dress I'd be grossly insulted. I can only assume that these fucking peasants are in such a state of turmoil in a world full of difficult things, like books, that their emotions get all jumbled up and they just react to things in an utterly random way. Like toddlers.

More terrifying still she has to remind her dad to go to the toilet. These people should not be allowed to breed. It's unsafe, they get it all wrong and break things.

I don't know why the bit about the champagne breakfast being like a dream amuses me so much but it does. I suspect it might be to keep myself from crying at Sian's desperately limited horizons.
Anyway I strongly recommend you pay Sian a visit and read the hilarious, semi-literate account of her peasanty wedding and it's Robbie Williams soundtrack. For those of a nervous disposition I should warn you she's banging on about the unusually high number of dead people in her life again. Oh yes and she's pregnant.

Moving on to an even bigger twat Tim Westwood has a website. If your sneering muscles can take it please go and watch the jaw-droppingly awful intro and make sure you've got the sound on your computer turned up to get the full embarrassing effect. Is it possible that Tim is mentally deranged, can he not see we are all laughing at him? Why does he persist in carrying on like a black American raised by crack whores in a gangsters armpit?

One final question about bad ass motherfucker, son of a vicar Tim. Can anyone remember the name of the Channel Four programme he got all huffy on when the presenter kept asking him about his vicar dad?

For some reason all this talk of Tim Westwood reminds me of this very funny site.


Posted by Clairwil at 4:17 PM BST
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Celebrity Soft Porn Shite
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Life Goes On- Racine
Topic: The Idiots.


I note that pointless aristocrat Isabella Hervey is to be the face of Playboy U.K. Excuse me whilst I stifle the largest of yawns. Why in the name of God do celebrities never do real porn?

The truth is I'm fucking fed up with tits. To be topical I will use Isabella Hervey as an example. She insists that her Playboy pictures will be 'tasteful'. For heavens sake she is a fairly average looking woman who has made the best of what she's got, not a raving beauty whose 'tasteful' tits are going to send us into a frenzy. Now just imagine if she'd announced she was going to do a double penetration or fuck a dwarf or bukkake. That would at least have some curiosity value. I wouldn't admit it in front my parents or anything but I'd want a look.

People face facts this isn't the 1950's! A girl in a sweater isn't that exciting anymore. Like one of De Sades jaded aristocrats I require novelty and extravagant displays of debauchery.

Real hardcore celebrity porn would be a great thing. Knowing what sheep they all are once one does it they'll all be at it. Posh Spice takes it up the arse live in Parky ably assisted by a dildo brandishing Rebecca Loos! I'd watch, so would you. It would be an all time ratings smash. I had high hopes for Jordan until she got fed up as being regarded as a vacuous slapper called Jordan and made the remarkable career leap of being 'taken seriously' as a vacuous slapper called Katie Price.

That's all for just now.


Posted by Clairwil at 8:13 PM BST
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World Of Idiots.
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Covered In Punk- Portabella
Topic: The Idiots.


There I was on the bus this morning on my way to work when I became aware of a highly disturbing conversation taking place on the next seat.

Two ugly ferret faced peasants were expressing their horror at the London bombings when one of them announced that he knew how to sort out terrorism. I want you to know that this is probably the most depressing thing you will ever read. Our peasant friend reckons that terrorism can be stopped by 'ethnic cleansing' or to quote him exactly 'fuckin effnic cleansin man'. Yes our tolerant friend on the bus reckons that 'we' (I'm not sure if he means white Scots, white British or all white people) should kill everyone in the world of a different colour and/or religion. According to this cretin 'that'll sort it, wan colour, wan religion, nae wars, nae fighting, nothing'. Which seems to suggest he believes that all the other races and religions will line up meekly to be killed and has overlooked the fact that most wars are about money whatever window dressing is put on it.

Jesus Christ! Am I always to be surrounded by total fucking halfwits? What is that gives someone too stupid to understand a no smoking sign on the bus the idea that they are part of some master race? If I were a better person I would have challenged him, but given that he is part of the crew of vermin who take the 41 every morning, whose sole topic of conversation is 'stabbin cunts' I sat in cowardly silence.

When I am in charge I will intoduce 'intellectual cleansing'. A twenty year stretch with nothing to do but learn to read and think would sort these fuckers out.

After that depressing post I'd go and hoot at the harmless idiocy of Tom Cruise if I were you.


Posted by Clairwil at 7:38 PM BST
Updated: 13/07/05 7:44 PM BST
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Mating Rituals On Glasgow Green
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: TV Eye- Iggy Pop
Topic: The Idiots.


I awoke with a start to the sound of banging and whistling and played my usual summer Saturday morning game of guessing whether it was an Orange or Republican march. Unable to decide, I had a glance out of the window and my eye alighted on six dour faced men carrying a long banner so I was able to immediately and correctly identify it as Republican. An Orange walk one week, a Republican the next, it is very cosmopolitan where I live.

I waited till they'd gone and then set out for the gym. I must say I do enjoy the gym, not for the exercise but for the constant stream of music videos. Music videos nowadays are great aren't they? It's just a big peepshow! My favourite out of todays selection was Benny Benassi's Satisfaction which features a selection of scantily clad women operating heavy power tools. It's such a blatant excerise in mindless leering, I love it. There's a wonderful bit, when the camera lingers the bobbing breasts of a pouting lovely operating one of those giant drills used for digging up roads. I have never been so excited in public before in my life. I very, nearly fell over.

After my physical jerks I took a stroll through Glasgow Green to see the recently refurbished Doulton Fountain and for a quick birl through the Peoples Palace and the Winter Gardens. Just as I was marveling at how civilized everyone was being, I was nearly killed as a fat harridan ran past me pursued by a hatchet faced woman on crutches and an even fatter woman. From what took place next, I think the second fattest one was angry at a small stocky man in a Rangers top about something. It was hard to say what about but she kept telling him to hit her and when he didn't she started laying in to him. A friend of the small, stocky man got her in a headlock in an effort to restrain her, but that made the one with the crutches angry and she started hitting him with her crutches. By the time the second fattest one had thrown herself on the ground and started screaming 'come on then' a crowd had gathered to hoot at the bizarre spectacle. I wonder what it was all about. The chaps had just been playing football before the furious ladies descended. It's a puzzle. A mating ritual? Stupid people giving their lives meaning with pointless drama? Who knows?

Answers please.


Posted by Clairwil at 12:04 AM BST
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Franz Ferdinand Are A Bunch Of Middle Class Fucks!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Sunset Strip-Courtney Love
Topic: The Idiots.


Fasten your seat belts after weeks of relative peace on this blog I'm angry again. Fucking homicidal!

Against the advice of a very clever friend of mine I was briefly a casual fan of Franz Ferdinand, even bought some of their records. I overlooked the fact that the main one Kapranos or whatever he's called lies about his age like a stupid, delusional middle aged woman. I even overlooked the fact that an interview with them was as about as interesting and enjoyable as mild rain on a Sunday morning. In short I did my best. As the above clearly demonstrates I am a tolerant woman.

Once again in my short life my almost Dianaesque kindness has been hurled back in my face, my tolerance trampled on, my patience pushed beyond endurance.

At this point you may be wondering what the bank clerks of rock could possibly have done to rile me?
Well if we're all sitting comfortably then I'll begin. The purveyors of highly derivative indie rock have unveiled a new song about one Robert Anderson entitled Robert Anderson is Christ. They claim he is a very nice but misunderstood chap and that old chestnut a 'Glasgow character'. That is one view. One that could only be held by a shower of middle class fucks who think hanging about a disgusting, stinking junkie thief of the lowest sort is a little bit glamorous and oooh! a wee bit dangerous.

Glasgow character Robert Anderson is described by some cunt conceived in the back of a Volvo on the Franz Ferdinand forum as a 'Robin Hood' character. Jesus Christ he is an unremarkable junkie shoplifter who in a noble act of wealth redistribution robbed blind a very good friend of mine who is lucky to make fifty quid a week from their small and ailing business. In other words he is a typical junkie who thinks the rest of the world should pay for their habit. I realise that someone addicted to a drug that causes them to shit their pants in front of their mates is likely to lack self respect but there are lines no decent person crosses. If you are desperate enough to shoplift go and rob Tesco they can afford it, robbing the poor is the act of a scumbag and middle class vermin idealizing it is sheer evil.

If Franz Ferdinand really find junkie lowlife so exciting I suggest they go and rent a flat in one of the many previously respectable Glasgow housing schemes made dangerous and uninhabitable by junkie scum like Robert Anderson. I suspect that after the third burglary they might start to change their perspective somewhat and we could enjoy cheering on the local neds as they tore the repellent, junkie loving toffs limb from over privileged limb.

Stupid people annoy me, but people who should know better make me fucking furious. People let's teach these fucking idiots a lesson. Thieves, junkies, muggers of the world unite! The mission should you choose to accept it is to steal as much as possible from any member of Franz Ferdinand, this can include anything from illicit downloading to street crime. As for Robert Anderson I suggest we have a whip round to buy him sufficient smack to end his worthless junkie life.

I'm now off to pose as an outraged Christian to e-mail various right wing Christian groups about the deep offence the above song has caused me.


Posted by Clairwil at 9:46 PM BST
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The Sight Of Property Prices Falling /A Big Fight.
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Ode To Billie Joe- Bobbie Gentry
Topic: The Idiots.

Morning/Evening/Who Cares?

It was my intention to spend a quiet evening watching The Godfather but I was, as per usual, thwarted by idiocy. A big fight broke out, outside my little flat distracting me from the telly. Unfortunately I got caught hanging out the window to watch the fight. A big fat woman unwisely dressed in white shouted up 'What do you think you're looking at?' I replied 'local property prices falling' she didn't have a good answer. I am pleased to report that my comment attracted a few laughs from the assembled crowd whereas her retort of 'mind your own fucking business' went unnoticed. There was no appeasing her, I tried smiling and waving at her but that just seemed to make her angry. She kept shouting 'do you want to come down here and say that?' when all I'd done was wave. Clearly quite mad.

Anyway the fight was a bit rubbish. All that happened was a skinny boy alleged to be called Stuart swung his belt about a bit, then fell on his knees and started crying, whilst the rest of the audience held back a slightly bigger chap. Pathetic!


Posted by Clairwil at 2:09 AM BST
Updated: 02/05/05 2:15 AM BST
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Reading A Book On The Bus.
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: The Headmaster Ritual- The Smiths
Topic: The Idiots.

There I was on the bus, minding my own business and reading a book. I was relaxed and happy, the ideal state for the day ahead. Then disaster struck!

A particularly irritating work colleague got on the bus. I did my best to hide, but to no avail. Rudely disregarding the fact I was reading, they sat down beside me and started wittering on about their empty and pointless life. I continued to read, hoping that they would take the hint. Instead of shutting the fuck up and sitting somewhere else, they continued to ignore my well known hatred of unnecessary physical contact and started asking me if I was alright. When I asked why they thought I wasn't all right. They replied 'because your reading and not saying much.' I asked if they'd ever tried reading and holding a conversation at the same time. That didn't shut them up either, in fact it just started them wittering on about the reading habits of their horrible child.

I'm starting to think the #12:50 taxi fare to work might be worth it.

Posted by Clairwil at 6:53 PM BST
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People Who Should Know Better Talking Pish.
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: The Desperate Kingdom of Love-PJ Harvey
Topic: The Idiots.
Good Evening,

I am outraged, angry and upset. I have been grossly offended by an article in The Big Issue. Grrrrr.
The article in question regards the scheme by The Maryhill Citizens Advice Bureau which allows refugees and asylum seekers to work with them on a voluntary basis. Throughout all this I want you to keep the word voluntary at the forefront of your minds.

The above scheme which has had a great deal of success in encouraging refugee integration and in challenging the idea that people seek asylum in Britain as a means of scamming benefits, has been branded 'slave labour' by Robina Qureshi of Positive Action in Housing.

The fact that the director of a supposedly anti-racist organisation sees nothing wrong in drawing parallels between the brutality of slavery and a few hours work undertaken on a voluntary basis in a Citizens Advice Bureau beggars belief. Her statement is a gross and insensitive insult to all victims of enforced labour. There is nothing voluntary about becoming a slave.Frankly her remarks shows about as much taste, sensitivity and sense of perspective as Ken Livingstone's comparison of a journalist to a Nazi concentration camp guard.

She then goes on to state that 'these kinds of practices will drive asylum seekers into an underground invisible underclass'. What by giving people the opportunity to improve their English, learn new skills, gain an understanding of the UK legal and welfare system and integrate into the community, as opposed to sitting in a crummy hard to let flat on a crummy hard as nails scheme doing nothing?

Behind all this is of course that classic liberal blunder of managing to insult the intelligence of the people they claim to be defending. Is she seriously asserting that these mainly well educated people are too stupid to see that they are being exploited? Or does she believe that 'Johnny Foreigner' is too naive and trusting to withstand the wicked machinations of the wily Scots? Underlying racism? Oh the irony!

I am of the opinion and always have been that asylum seekers should be allowed to undertake paid employment whilst waiting for their case to be decided. The reality is that they are not, which is outrageous and must be challenged. However is it not better that people are given the option of undertaking some beneficial work whilst waiting to be granted refugee status? We have to deal with reality. Politicians are falling over themselves to be seen as tough on asylum seekers and sadly the majority of the public seem to support this. High profile voluntary schemes such as the Maryhill CAB's challenge the perception that asylum seekers are here to laze about, living off benefits and in the long term are more likely to galvanize popular support for fair treatment of asylum seekers, than Ms Qureshi's ill-informed ranting.

It was a spot of voluntary work on my C.V that liberated me from call centre hell and almost doubled my salary. Does she think similar opportunities should be denied to asylum seekers? Of course she does. Like all liberal educated idiots she likes her victims, so that she and she alone can witness their suffering and offer the hand of help, naturally never enough help to bring the victim up to level of equal.

Perhaps Ms Qureshi would be better concerning herself with the good work her organization is supposed to undertake rather than using it to launch her career as an ill-informed media foghorn and laughable,wooden actress.

Oh yes and the best bit. Not one asylum seeker is quoted anywhere in the article. It's almost as if they're just slaves to serve a political agenda, not real people like what we are.

See told you I was angry.


Posted by Clairwil at 10:29 PM BST
Updated: 08/04/05 10:49 PM BST
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