Mating Rituals On Glasgow Green
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: TV Eye- Iggy Pop
Topic: The Idiots.




Evening,

I awoke with a start to the sound of banging and whistling and played my usual summer Saturday morning game of guessing whether it was an Orange or Republican march. Unable to decide, I had a glance out of the window and my eye alighted on six dour faced men carrying a long banner so I was able to immediately and correctly identify it as Republican. An Orange walk one week, a Republican the next, it is very cosmopolitan where I live.

I waited till they'd gone and then set out for the gym. I must say I do enjoy the gym, not for the exercise but for the constant stream of music videos. Music videos nowadays are great aren't they? It's just a big peepshow! My favourite out of todays selection was Benny Benassi's Satisfaction which features a selection of scantily clad women operating heavy power tools. It's such a blatant excerise in mindless leering, I love it. There's a wonderful bit, when the camera lingers the bobbing breasts of a pouting lovely operating one of those giant drills used for digging up roads. I have never been so excited in public before in my life. I very, nearly fell over.

After my physical jerks I took a stroll through Glasgow Green to see the recently refurbished Doulton Fountain and for a quick birl through the Peoples Palace and the Winter Gardens. Just as I was marveling at how civilized everyone was being, I was nearly killed as a fat harridan ran past me pursued by a hatchet faced woman on crutches and an even fatter woman. From what took place next, I think the second fattest one was angry at a small stocky man in a Rangers top about something. It was hard to say what about but she kept telling him to hit her and when he didn't she started laying in to him. A friend of the small, stocky man got her in a headlock in an effort to restrain her, but that made the one with the crutches angry and she started hitting him with her crutches. By the time the second fattest one had thrown herself on the ground and started screaming 'come on then' a crowd had gathered to hoot at the bizarre spectacle. I wonder what it was all about. The chaps had just been playing football before the furious ladies descended. It's a puzzle. A mating ritual? Stupid people giving their lives meaning with pointless drama? Who knows?

Answers please.

Cheerio.