The Funniest Blog On The Internet/ Old Firm Hell
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Do Somethin'-Britney Spears
Topic: Hiya
Evening,

I've been trapped at home most of the day. I was up and dressed and on the verge of going out when I heard the dread phrase 'today's Old Firm derby' from the television. Normally it's quite pleasant round my way but any significant footballing event involving Celtic turns the place into a sea of broken glass, piss, vomit and half-witted sectarian chanting.

What is this fixation with the Provisional IRA all about? They're rubbish and haven't done anything remotely impressive since the fantastic Brighton bombing. OK so Thatcher was unharmed but they did their best. Other than that it's all been random and pointless attacks on innocent members of the public. Which, as far as I can make out has only achieved a 'wee pretendy parliament' which Scotland managed to achieve without blowing up any Saturday afternoon shoppers and our's has more power. So there we go, people of Northern Ireland copy us, just moan constantly and vote Labour like a big herd of idiot sheep and you'll be free of the British in no time.

I often wonder what would happen if a load of Muslims took to the streets and started shouting pro Al Qaeda slogans. I don't think they would receive quite the same tolerant response that Celtic fans get when voicing their support of the Provisional IRA. Similarly if they started singing songs about being up to the knees in infidel blood, I don't think it would be regarded in quite the same way as Rangers fans claiming to be 'up to the knees in Fenian blood'. I suspect a lynch mob would form within minutes. I also suspect that a fair few would find themselves under house arrest as part of the ongoing erosion of civil rights, oops sorry, war on terror.

All that said I still think Jack McConnell's war on sectarianism is pretty pointless when it comes to dealing with Old Firm post match violence. I'm no football expert, but I believe it's normal for fans of rival clubs to batter each other senseless whenever possible.

Anyway as I write they're being quite pleasant and well behaved outside and are treating us all to a charming rendition of 'You'll Never Walk Alone' which could only be improved if they learned all the words rather than just repeat the chorus over and over.

On a happier note I have found the best and funniest blog on the net. It's called Chase Me Ladies and is a piss yourself hilarious joy. There isn't a duff post on it. It's ten times better than this shite and I order you all to read it now.

Cheerio.