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Clairwil Reads A Newspaper!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Alsatian Cousin-Morrissey
Topic: Overlong Post.


I have decided to lose all interest in politics and current affairs because they're getting on my wick.
I was chatting to a Turkish fellow recently who very kindly showed me his Turkish I-D card. Apparently these things have been on the go in Turkey for years and it's nothing out of the ordinary to be stopped by the police and asked to show your I-D. If you have forgotten your I-D or refuse to show it you get whisked off to the station. At no point during that conversation did I think 'I wish we had I-D cards in this country'. I also note that I-D cards don't seem to have done much to prevent acts of terrorism in Turkey.

Anyway to return to the main thrust of this ill-focused rant. I actually had time to read a newspaper today which is a first this week. Big mistake! I watch news on the telly everyday but that doesn't count as I just sit there like a big silly sponge saying 'oooh isn't it awful'. But a newspaper, well a proper newspaper is more detailed and therefore more likely to send me apocalyptic.

First I'm confronted with governments ridiculous plan to companies who employ migrant workers to pay a portion of workers wages into an account which they will only be able access when they have returned to their country of origin. I can see that being a big hit with unscrupulous employers. Once the employee has gone home there won't be much they can do if their former employer has failed to pay the money as agreed. What would amuse me more than anything if this were introduced, would be thousands of migrant workers refusing to leave on the basis that no amount of money would induce them to leave 'dear old blighty'.

I also note that Muslims are to be spied on and harassed or 'monitored' by Special Branch following the London Bombings. If anyone is alarmed by this just ponder the proud history of the British police in dealing with Irish terrorism. No mistakes, no miscarriages of justice not a single slip. The way this government is going I expect we shall all end up under suspicion for something or other sooner or later. It might be wise to start supporting these fine organisations before we really need them.

Still I don't like to leave you on a depressing note, so to cheer ourselves up let's all laugh like drains at the death of John Tyndall. I hope he suffered.


Posted by Clairwil at 8:21 PM BST
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From Prostitution To Severed Heads As Footballs.
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: 2+2=5-Radiohead
Topic: Overlong Post.


There I was swishing aimlessly around the internet only to have my faith in feminism restored by the International Prostitutes Collective. I close to tears of joy reading their Open Letter To The Womens Movement concerning the decision by certain feminists to spend International Womens Day protesting about lapdancing rather than attend an EPC organised anti-war protest. It's hard to imagine what goes on in the minds of anti-porn feminists. I expect their vision of the future is a headmistress type saying 'stop it' to human face forever.

Anyway the prostitutes of Soho are the new targets of the ongoing war on civil liberties and the secret plan to turn the whole of the British Isles into a soulless CCTV monitored shopping mall. Westminster council are threatening to compulsorily purchase any flat they identify as a brothel, turf the occupants out and redevelop the properties. Apart from from placing the women forced out on to the streets in greater danger from marauding lunatics, it's none of the authorities bloody business what people get up to in their own homes. Speaking of authority minding it's own business, the curtain twitchers can ram their fucking I-D cards up their arse.

I did think about organising a mass movement of people to bombard the government with several letters a day detailing every minute detail of their daily lives. After opening the 1000th letter along the lines of 'Dear Mr Blair, I got up at half eight today, which as you know is rather late for me...' they might be bored into minding their own business. I think the traditional forms of protest have become a bit predictable. Their tactic of boring the population out of any interest in politics has been highly successful so I think it might be worth a whirl. Any thoughts?

The staff in my mothers work were asked to take part in a trial of I-D cards and I'm sorry to bring you the entirely predictable news that there was no shortage of idiots signing up. And can you guess what they said to justify this act of treachery? Yes readers after three... 'If you've nothing to hide, you've nothing to fear.' I want these people tarred and feathered, then publicly beheaded and their severed heads used as footballs. Then repaired and cryogenically frozen so that future generations can have the pleasure of torturing the fuckers.


Posted by Clairwil at 9:35 PM BST
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The Pope, Courtney Love and Stupid Women.
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us-Sparks
Topic: Overlong Post.

As I am sure you are all aware The Pope is dead, which given the state of the poor souls health is probably a blessing. I have to say the Vatican seem a bit stingy with the sick leave, forever propping an obviously frail and ill Pope up at windows to wave at the faithful.

Anyway overlooking the fact that I'm not a Catholic but am an atheist I'd like to share my nomination for the next pope with any Cardinals who may be reading. Gentlemen I give you Oscar Andres Rodriguez Maradiaga. He wears glasses which I always find reassuring in authority figures, believes in social justice and is nice to the other religions. I always feel oddly moved when different religious groups play nicely except when they unite to stop me watching porn, shagging,drinking or indulging in any of my other important rituals.

Moving on to earthly matters I see Courtney Love is to play the part of Linda Lovelace in a forthcoming movie. I always thought it was a shame the way Miss Lovelace was exploited, insulted, degraded and finally cynically dumped by the feminist movement once she outlived her usefulness as an anti-porn poster victim. Not that those in the porn industry behaved much better but then they never claimed to be doing anything other than making money and getting laid.

Whilst one doesn't wish to condone sexual assault I can't help laughing everytime I read about the allegedly shot at gun point Linda Lovelace dog porn episode, especially when you hear some feminist earnestly using it as an example of female exploitation. Female exploitation! At least she got paid, what did the poor dog get? And in any case I take the view that a fully grown adult is better placed to decide whether or not to star in a porno than a dog. Certainly they are more able to involve the authorities if a crime has been committed against them.

I hope Courtney is being well paid if they are planning to include the dog episode in the forthcoming biopic.

Now whilst I'm on a female idiocy roll I would like to draw your attention to an incident that occurred near my home. A work colleague informs me that a male acquaintance of her niece was attacked by a knife wielding waste of sperm and egg for no apparent reason a couple of weeks back. As a result he required 28 stitches and will be scarred for life. He is currently awaiting the results of tests for AIDS and Hepatitis C as the police suspect the culprit may have slashed someone else earlier. Now as both victim and attacker were male you may wonder how this relates to female idiocy.

Well as ever whenever a man is behaving like an out and out savage there is pussy. Unbelievably stupid, absurdly loyal, moronic, morally bankrupt pussy. You know I'm right. Peter Sutcliffe gets fan mail. Ian Brady wants to rape and murder children, oh look there's his glamorous assistant Myra Hindley. Fred and Rose West. I could go on.

Anyway to return to the story, just before the attack the attacker reached into his girlfriends bag to get his knife which she was carrying about for him like a psycho first lady standing by her man. I expect in the unlikely event the attacker is caught she will escape with a minor fine or caution instead of being clapped in irons and locked up.

I've ranted about this to several people some of whom have raised the possibility that she herself is a victim of violence at the hands of her vermin boyfriend. AAAAAAAAAH! A red rag to the Clairwil bull and I must CHAAAARGE! She is an adult over the age of consent, if she chooses to be in a violent relationship then thats up to her. It's no reason to assist her wanker boyfriend swan about the city slashing people. If she's scared of him she could go to a refuge. She could leave. She has options. Which is more than the poor sod he attacked has, if they feel like looking in the mirror and not seeing 28 stitches worth of scar tissue criss-crossing their face.

No in my view, the truth is she probably gets off on the danger and violence and should therefore be treated in the same way as anyone else who unreasonably inflicts their sexual impulses on individuals without their consent e.g paedophiles, rapists, flashers and the like. She encourages him for kicks. Lock her up!

Phew! I feel quite weak after that outpouring of rage. Still I'd be worse if I didn't read The Guardian.


Posted by Clairwil at 10:26 PM BST
Updated: 21/05/05 11:20 PM BST
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