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Top of the British Blogs
Together We Can Defeat This Madness.
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: The Nations Best Loved Poems- BBC Radio Collection.
Topic: The horror the horror!

Good Evening,

A bit of a cobbled together collection of tit bits for you this evening.

Firstly I would like to express my outrage at the horrifying fate that has befallen Steve. Poor Steve is being tormented by a maniac who has an unhealthy obsession with Christina Aguilera. The maniac is fucking up his stats by repeatedly visiting his blog looking for Ms Aguilera, either that, or they have sat on their mouse mid search. The mind boggles. In any case I hope the perpetrator has rocks and boots thrown at his head when he is caught.

Moving on, I have some consumer news for you. Yes readers I have come over all Watchdog! As we are all aware, banks are cunts. Evil cunts who like nothing better to bankrupt you with absurd and extortionate bank charges. Well readers you no longer have to stand for it. The lovely people at The Govan Law Centre have a handy online guide to getting bank charges refunded. It's as easy as falling off a log. I have tried it and it worked a treat. The legal bits apply in Scotland, England and Wales so people the UK over can unite to piss off a few banks. Perhaps if we really try we might be able to put a couple out of business. Won't that be a hoot?

Finally Alan has returned from his fishing trip. He very nearly caught a giant fish but it escaped. I'm quite disappointed at this news as I was hoping to bully a trout or two out of him, so that I could have them stuffed and mounted and tell everyone I caught them with my bare hands. I'm afraid I behaved rather badly the last time I was given a fish. My neighbour at my parents caught a vast salmon and very kindly gave us a bit. I ate one small mouthful which I spat out, complaining that I only ate tinned salmon. In my defence I was only seven at the time.


Posted by Clairwil at 11:14 PM BST
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Sinister Health Nazi Life Squads.
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: Is That All there Is?- Peggy Lee
Topic: The horror the horror!

Good Evening,

I'm afraid I must bring you alarming news. We are being governed by maniacs -nosy maniacs. The Scottish Executive have decided to further indulge their love of harassing the unhealthy, by sending health workers into poor areas to target people at risk of illness, in their own homes.

Imagine, sitting at home smoking a fag and tucking into a pie, when you hear a knock at the door. You answer it, only to be confronted by some obnoxious health bore. These people make me want to smoke crack and inject smack into my eyeballs. They make me want to smoke three fags at a time and eat blocks of lard. I hate them. I don't hold with violence; however I'll make an exception in this case. If anyone is confronted with one of these meddling arseholes on their doorstep, they have the moral duty, if not the right, to kill them.

When did smokers, fatties and people with a family history of certain conditions consent to forfeiting the right to a life free of unreasonable state intrusion? It is totally unacceptable in a democracy for the state to invade peoples privacy and harass them in such a manner over matters of personal choice. There should be riots in the streets over this. At the very least the minister responsible should be kicked repeatedly in the face or sat on by a fatty. I knew banning smoking in those temples of healthy living -pubs, was only the start.

There is also, as ever, the issue of money. Katherine Murphy of the Patients Association correctly states that;

"I can't see how this exercise is going to be effective. How do they identify the people they are going to see? If the Scottish Executive has some extra funding it is needing to spend, it would be better spent on actually improving patient care. The list of areas that need more resources is endless: waiting times, more nurses, doctors, GPs, dentists. This exercise will only increase waiting lists further."

As this plan, is in fact, going to cost the NHS more money and make it even less efficient, I can only assume there is a more sinister purpose behind this scheme. My suspicion is that they are trying to force those who can afford it to go private and skip the massive queues this will create, which will allow them to run the NHS into the ground. You mark my words in twenty years time people will be rattling on about single mothers and other scroungers who use the health service.


Posted by Clairwil at 10:17 PM BST
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I Refuse To Accept That I'm This Boring
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: My Perogative- Britney Spears
Topic: The horror the horror!

I have made what I now realise is the terrible error of doing the quiz featured below. All you need to know is that progressive girl is a horrifyingly, dull, centre left sheep. I am nothing like her. Not even when I'm asleep.

Moving on, I realise that this is very childish of me, but the discovery that there is a shop trading under the nameFrugal Fannies makes me giggle.


Posted by Clairwil at 12:01 AM BST
Updated: 08/09/05 10:02 PM BST
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If Bush Can Cause Hurricanes, I'm Fucking Terrified!
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: Man Ray- The Futureheads
Topic: The horror the horror!


Dr Feelgood has beaten me to the punch somewhat on this but this is my blog and that's that. For the record let me state that I hate George Bush to the point of madness. I loathe his gormless chimp face and epic stupidity. If it was possible to blame him for the hurricane I would have done so. Loudly and repeatedly.

As regular readers may be aware I'm only Scottish but given that our news is dominated by events in America I reserve the right to comment.

What Bush, as the man in charge, should take the blame for is the disgraceful delay in responding to the tragedy and I sincerely hope that this is something he will be held to account for. However the British news coverage is giving the impression that Bush is being blamed for the hurricane itself as a result of his environmental record, for the people left behind who were too poor to arrange transport etc to escape and for too few members of the National Guard being on hand due to the Iraq war.

Well, I'm no scientist but even if Bush had the most fantastic, green, environmental policy possible, it would take several years to take effect and would be unlikely to have prevented Hurricane Katrina. Secondly hurricanes have always occurred in that part of the world, so it's impossible to say with any degree of certainty that this one was as the result of man made environmental problems. I'm quite sure Bush's disgraceful environmental record will contribute to some future catastrophe, by which time everyone will be blaming one of his successors, as if these things just drop out the sky after an election.

It is perfectly reasonable to criticise Bush for failing to tackle the problems of America's vast underclass. However this is a criticism that can be leveled at successive American governments both Democrat and Republican. In Britain the vast majority of the public prefer to pay low taxes and keep their own money to spend on cheap consumer goods rather than tackle the problems of the poor and I suspect the same is probably true of Americans on both sides of the political divide. To date I haven't heard any Democrats apologise for their past failures and I suspect I won't. I also suspect I won't hear many Americans offering to pay higher taxes to contribute towards preventing a similar tragedy. You get the society you pay for and politicians of both sides only behave as badly as you let them.

As for the assertion that the war in Iraq prevented the National Guard being mobilised, much as I opposed the Iraq war I'm slightly sceptical on this one. As far as I understand, two thirds of the National Guard were in America at the time. Which may well be less than ideal but I find it hard to believe that they could not have been of any help had they been mobilised as soon as was reasonably possible after the hurricane struck.

It would seem to me that people on the left, many of whom I otherwise respect, are so desperate to do Bush some damage that they are simply pulling random criticisms out the air and missing a real opportunity to obtain some justice for the victims of this appalling tragedy and get Bush bang to rights on something. As I've said before I loathe Bush but I just feel that you destroy your own credibility when you launch into endless random attacks. Bush has done plenty he should be attacked for, there is no need to make these ridiculous tenuous links between events and government policy. I also a little bit queasy at the sight of people making political capital out of a tragedy so soon after the event.

Anyway if you'd like to offer some belated help click here.


Posted by Clairwil at 11:07 PM BST
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A Cauliflower And Other Tales Of Authority Gone Mad!
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: Something In The Way-Nirvana
Topic: The horror the horror!


I see our friends in The Bank Of Scotland, who I ranted about a couple of posts back, are up to their old tricks again- only now having agreed humiliating staff with cabbages is unacceptable, are using cauliflowers. These money grabbing fuckpigs need to be stopped. Send them a vegetable now!

Moving on to more serious matters, I read in today's papers that the police's original account of events relating to the shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes would appear to be total lies. From what I can gather it would now appear that armed police just decided to shoot some poor bloke for having the misfortune to live in the same building as some terror suspects. For the sake of justice and public safety I just hope the gun wielding pig that carried out this murder faces full criminal proceedings and is locked up for a very long time. Although I suspect this is unlikely given that he has already been rewarded for his shooting skills with a free holiday.


Posted by Clairwil at 8:49 PM BST
Updated: 17/08/05 11:37 PM BST
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Panic On The Streets.
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Spread Your Love- Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Topic: The horror the horror!


As I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this has been a horrible couple of days. At the risk of sounding like I'm gloating, all my relatives down south escaped injury in the London bombings. My brother gets on my wick but not to the extent I'd like to see him dead, though I did hope he might have a minor shrapnel wound to the buttocks for the comedy value.

On a more serious note, I loathe,hate and detest terrorism. If you have a complaint against the government-bomb them. Bombing people on their way to work achieves nothing. It is obvious where the
government's priorities in terms of safety lie. A substantial part of Britain's police forces were at Gleneagles to ensure the G8 leaders were protected, leaving an inadequate police force to protect the rest of Britain.

Apparently we are all on 'amber alert' as a result of events in London. I was representing some clients at a benefit tribunal today and was searched on my way in. I was about to say 'I'm not a suicide bomber, I only feel like bombing this building' but thought I'd end up clapped in irons,so refrained.

I do not wish to offend my English readers but your police are the scum of the earth and the sooner they leave Scotland the better. Lord knows Scots police are no great shakes but from what I've seen the English forces imported for the G8 seem to
think the start of their shift is a signal to start walloping people with batons.

I have always been against I-D cards, but I dread to think what the English will need to put up with when they are introduced, if the police we've had up here for the G8 are a typical reflection of normal policing standards south of the border.

The sharp eyed will note I have written 'when' I-D cards are introduced. Lets face it, the awful events in London will be cast up at everyone who tries to oppose them. The government had started to move away from saying they were a defence against terrorism but I think it's more than likely that the old arguments will be resurrected with typical 'New/Traitor Labour' opportunism.

Posted by Clairwil at 11:58 PM BST
Updated: 09/07/05 12:04 AM BST
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Live 8
Mood:  special
Now Playing: Black Cherry-Goldfrapp
Topic: The horror the horror!


I've had a very lazy day all things considered. I went to the gym first thing but other than that I've been lying about eating crisps. I watched some of Live8 which was actually less horrifying than it might have been. I was quite moved when Bob Geldof brought out a very beautiful Ethiopian woman who was only alive today because of funds raised by Live Aid twenty years ago. I must confess I was feeling quite ashamed of my cynicism about the whole thing. Then Madonna came on and kept the bewildered Ethiopian woman onstage for no discernible reason. I felt so embarrassed for the woman as Madonna danced round singing 'Like A Prayer' at her. That aside I was quite impressed with Madonna's performance although I preferred her when she used to get her tits out.

I see the Make Poverty History march went off without much trouble. Although some cheeky anarchists tried to force their way through police lines. I've nothing against such behaviour but I am unclear what they hoped to achieve by it. It's not like the G8 are going to think 'well that's it they've forced their way through a few low ranking police officers let's abolish capitalism'. There is also the possibility the police did something to provoke it, in which case the cheeky anarchists have my full support.

I had some disturbing 'tanks rolling up the high street' type news regarding security arrangements for the G8 earlier in the week. A work colleague was chatting to a social worker in the East End of Glasgow who advised she had received several calls from distressed elderly people complaining about being moved out their old folks home during the G8 conference. A call to the home revealed that the pensioners hadn't gone barking mad, they're being chucked out to provide accommodation for officers from the Met. In addition to which scores of police are being brought in from all over Scotland to hold back the angry mob. I wonder if any of the G8 leaders ever reflect on why people hate them so much?

Posted by Clairwil at 10:53 PM BST
Updated: 02/07/05 10:55 PM BST
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Why The Fuck Do You Want My Phone Number?
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Holy Joe- U2
Topic: The horror the horror!


After months of blogging out of sheer self indulgence something of a theme might at last be emerging on this blog. I hate stupid people, I hate wankers that cannot leave you in peace and I hate myself most of all for letting them get me angry.

There I was on a beautiful summers day happily smoking a fag at the bus stop minding my own business enjoying a bit of peace, when I was accosted by a physically repulsive, hatchet faced, petty criminal. He asked for a fag, I gave him one in the vain hope he might leave me alone. That didn't work, it only provoked him to ask for my phone number! Why? What did he want? Why in the name of God would I give my phone number to a member of the criminal classes who can't afford to buy fags?

I should point out I'm not an especially attractive woman but at least once or twice a month some weirdo will appear from nowhere and request my phone number. I ask why but never get any sensible answer. The best response I ever got was that I 'looked like I had my own way of doing things'. I expect it was a euphemism for something unsavoury but compliments being rather thin on the ground at the time I chose to take it at face value.

I should also point out that I'm not the only woman this happens to, so I know I'm not cursed. Can any of my male readers enlighten me as to the point of this bizarre exercise? 99.9% of women are going to tell you to fuck off if you just walk up to them and demand their phone number. The chances of getting laid as a result of this behaviour are virtually nil. Is it a revenge thing? Misogyny? Is irritating women about to be made an Olympic sport?

I demand answers.


Posted by Clairwil at 10:36 PM BST
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Microsoft Are Undemocratic Cunts.
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Mrs Jones- Hole
Topic: The horror the horror!


I have had news brought to my attention that our friends at Microsoft have been doing their bit for the worldwide spread of freedom and democracy by denying Chinese bloggers the ability to use those very words.

The unscrupulous money grabbing fucks have installed a pop up (in itself the work of Satan) that tells users to cease and desist from using 'prohibited language' such as human rights in their blogs.

I'm not a fan of multi-nationals or capitalism but one of the benefits of technology and the present economic system is that it is much harder for governments to control what their citizens have access to. Or at least it would be if these companies cared about anything more than profits and appeasing the obscene greed of their fat, stinking shareholders. Whilst I am aware China is a huge market, would Microsoft really be running at a loss if it refused to trade with it until it was prepared to operate by decent standards?

So next time these companies start banging on about being about ideas and vision or our government says that they are powerless to stop them taking jobs abroad to low wage economies, just bear in mind Microsoft's servile response to the wicked demands of totalitarian states.

Reporters Without Borders says at least 63 people are currently in jail in China for posting content the Communist Party bans.


Posted by Clairwil at 10:16 PM BST
Updated: 14/06/05 10:21 PM BST
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Not Kylie!
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Pin- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Topic: The horror the horror!


I am most distressed to hear Kylie Minogue has been diagnosed with breast cancer. I like Kylie for several reasons. One of the main ones being that in an age where a celebrity can't make a cup of tea without telling everyone, we don't really know much about her. This leads me to suspect that what she gets up to in private might actually be half interesting. Anyway I forbid any of you to purchase one of those annoying pink ribbons or god awful 'fashion cares' breast cancer t-shirts. Instead you can join the fight to save Kylie by clicking here and making a nice discreet donation.


Posted by Clairwil at 9:11 PM BST
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