Cheer Up, Madonna Reckons We're All Going To Hell!
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: Theft



Evening you miserable sinners!

You snivelling sin addled wretches are all going to hell. Well, thats according to Madonna. In case any of you are confused this is the Madonna that used to delight audiences around the world with her remarkable displays of harlotry, not Jesus' mother who is a respected authority on such matters.

I'm as broad minded as the next man, I accept that people change as they get older but I must say I preferred Madonna when she used to bang on about sex and religion all the time. It was a laugh. Now that she's dropped the sex, the religious stuff just seems a bit... um... mental.

Imagine if a tramp stopped you in the street and said this: "I refer to an entity called 'The Beast'. I feel I am describing the world that we live in right now. To me 'The Beast' is the modern world that we live in." You'd fire a bit of loose change at him and then run like fuck. In short I suspect poor Madonna may be in need of professional help. Ponder the evidence, she married Guy Ritchie apparently willingly, she sometimes talks with a faux English accent and sometimes a real American one, sometimes she wants people to call her Esther, other times Madonna and she thinks we're all going to hell. There is a schizophrenic that comes into my work from time to time and when they start talking like that their medication is altered and all is well until the next time. Instead people seem to be positively encouraging Madonna to make a buffoon of herself by affecting to take this twaddle seriously.

What worries me more is that she has access to guns at her English mansion. Fuck going to see her live.


Cheerio

A Lovely Picture By Our Mr Pond.
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: Roland- Interpol
Topic: Theft


I have stolen this picture from dear old Mr Pond. But what is it? Where is it? Well I'm saying nothing, I just found it rather beautiful and wanted it on my blog. If I were you I'd go and visit Mr Pond to find out.

A victim of Crime!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Violet-Hole
Topic: Theft
It pains me to advise you that I may have uncovered a fraud ring involving the post office and popular internet bank Smile. I paid my salary cheque into my Smile account via the post office on Monday-a perfectly simple transaction you may think. But alas no. There is no trace of it anywhere and no-one is claiming responsibility. So I have a grand total of 6p in the bank and #1.30 in loose change to live on until Smile go wild and employ a competent member of staff. So my plans for the weekend involve sobbing quietly in a darkened room and not eating (tonight's dinner was an exciting cup of black tea).

On a more alarming note I bumped into a very dazed Mr Alisdair today. I think he may have been drugged or may just have been in a state of shock at being on a Glasgow bus traveling from the east end.

So my pleas for today are as follows.
1. That the cunts at Smile hand over my salary.
2. Can people please stop drugging my friends and placing them on rough bus routes. It really is most alarming.
3. As ever anyone with a kind heart and a few quid can halt my decline into poverty and donate via https://clairwil.tripod.com/mydebthell
(I keep trying to insert a link but it wont work, all part of this weeks conspiracy against me, damn those big lizards)