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Top of the British Blogs
Behold The Big Things.
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: I Wanna Be Your Dog-Iggy Pop
Topic: Hurrah!

Good evening,

It's big things frenzy at Clairwil towers. Apparently Australia is littered with these peculiar structures. I think they're wonderful. Imagine driving along, bored stupid when all of a sudden you spot a giant lobster or a giant Ned Kelly. You'd be cock-a-hoop!

As ever my joy is tinged with anger. Why don't we have 'big things' in Britain? This should be an election issue. Think how much happier we'd all be if we had a smattering of 'big things' throughout the land. For example a truly boring piece of architecture has appeared near my home. It's purpose is to provide accommodation for students. Think how much better it would have been if they had built a giant owl in a mortar board for the students to live in. Anyone who has strolled down the High st in Glasgow recently is bound to agree with me. I'm thinking of writing to my MP about this, in the unlikely event I get a response I will of course let you know. You can see more 'big things' here and here.

Thank-you to Steve for supplying me with links to the 'big things'

Before I leave you, I have added a link to my furl archive in my sidebar, should any of you be interested in what I have been gawping at on the net.


Posted by Clairwil at 8:29 PM BST
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Dog Bark Park
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Clouds-Hole
Topic: Hurrah!

Good evening,

Look at this! It is a hotel in the shape of a beagle. I cannot convey in mere words how happy the existence of this remarkable establishment makes me.
It is my ambition to stay there and enjoy a book in the cosy reading nook situated in the dog shaped hotel's muzzle.

The people who run the hotel sound like top quality, not content with the unique achievement of running the world's best hotel, they also make wooden animals with chainsaws. I think there should be more buildings in the shape of animals. If I could choose I'd live in a big pink pig or a seahorse.

Anyway this wonderful discovery has left me full of questions, so full I may burst. I will list them below and await your responses with baited breath.

1. Have any of you ever stayed in the beagle?
2. Are there other animal shaped buildings?
3. Am I alone in being wildly excited by this?


Posted by Clairwil at 10:21 PM BST
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I Fucking Love Mashed Potato!
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Big River- Johnny Cash
Topic: Hurrah!

Good God!

I can't believe I forgot to mention Monstermash on Byres Rd, before now. I had the good fortune to pop in for my lunch on Saturday and thought it was fantastic. It is especially good if you are feeling a bit fragile, serving as it does, vast quantities of lovely comfort food at reasonable prices. It also has proper HP brown sauce not the cheap cash and carry stuff seen in lower establishments. I highly recommend it.


Posted by Clairwil at 11:52 PM BST
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Robin, Reveal Youself This Instant.
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Hurt-Johnny Cash
Topic: Hurrah!
Evening/Morning/God Knows,

Having consumed rather a lot tea this evening I find myself unable to sleep. I'll regret that tomorrow/today. Unlike last might when I had a dirty big man to play with I am alone and now turn to you, my merry band of readers for amusement.

As I have stated on numerous occasions on this blog I am obsessed to the point of insanity with hits so I was very pleased to see a new referrer on my stats thing. The new link is on this blog, which is entitled 'These Moments'which is written by some fellow who reckons his name is Alan and is naturally of a very high standard. I'm particularly amused at the fine company I'm in on Alan's blog. One minute he's quoting Satre, the next he's referring people to my blog. I can't help feeling people might be disappointed, although everyone, no matter how clever, secretly loves a glance at The Sun, so perhaps I'll amuse them in a similar way. Anyway apparently Alan was acting under the instructions of a fellow known only as 'Robin' when he added the link. Who is Robin?
Why has he recommended me? It's all very mysterious and as such I must request, nay command, that Robin reveal himself.


Posted by Clairwil at 2:15 AM BST
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The Kick Ass Cabbage Campaign
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Hurrah!

As you will recall I have recently been somewhat annoyed by the antics of Bank Of Scotland management. It is with great pleasure I can advise you that this blog campaign has attracted nationwide support.

Visit here for your free cabbage picture to send to Stacey.

If you need more convincing read this.

Posted by Clairwil at 10:29 PM BST
Updated: 19/08/05 7:49 PM BST
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A Muslim Friend Gives Me A Wonderful Tip!
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Little Red Rooster- The Rolling Stones
Topic: Hurrah!


I was chatting to my Turkish friend this morning who was telling me that after years of hassle and racial abuse during his time in Glasgow, he can now travel in peace on public transport. He is unsure if this is just coincidence but since the London bombings nobody has sat in the seats in front or behind him on the bus.

For those of you who live in normal places where people have jobs, money, hope and stuff, who may be baffled by all this. A Glasgow bus is a terrifying place. It is such a bonus when no-one sits near you.

So given that I have a one in two chance of being hassled by neds on the bus and a one in a billion chance of being blown up by a suicide bomber, I shall be placing myself near anyone near anyone who looks remotely Muslim on my morning bus journeys. Just imagine being able to sit several seats away from the Wise group lads and read a book without interruption. No more listening to their stabbing anecdotes or shagging stories. Their shagging stories are truly remarkable. My favourite involves some bird they all seem to have carnal knowledge of who is apparently prone to losing control of her bowels during sex. The leader of the rough boys claims he punched fuck out of this bird but asserts she's still begging for it.

My arse!

No wonder Osama wants to kill us all.


Posted by Clairwil at 11:10 PM BST
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Another Theft From Dr Feelgoods Blog!
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Black Steel- Tricky
Topic: Hurrah!

Evening again,

I made the above American style church sign on this page which I found on this excellent blog.

Thats all for today.


Posted by Clairwil at 11:18 PM BST
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All Hail Johnny- King Of The Punks!
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Philosophy- Bill Hicks
Topic: Hurrah!


I see that John Lydon has been officially crowned king of the punks.

I'm pleased by this as I'm a huge fan of Mr Lydon so any compliment going his way is fine by me. I have to say that the attitude of many people towards him baffles me. They seem angry that he doesen't live in a dustbin eating mouldy leftovers. As if he can't be 'real' or 'authentic' because he has taken the money due to him from his record sales and royalties over the years and lived accordingly. The 'stay in your place peasant' attitude behind this irritates me enormously. Lydon started out in life with fuck all and unusually for someone of his background got into a situation where his talents could be discovered and rewarded. No other rock star has to live by these impossible rules and a lot of them, amazingly get away with crawling after the monarchy and accepting knighthoods.

Ladies and Gentleman I give you Sir Prick Jagger. A disgusting old fraud, fat on the proceeds of other peoples youthful rebellion. Nobody with a title should be allowed anywhere near rock and roll. It is a simple choice. You can either spend your time hanging about in a marquee with Liz Hurley scoffing voluvents or you can be a rock star. Not both. Yet I rarely hear anyone in the media say how let down they are by Mick or accuse him of selling out. Whereas poor old Johnny reforms the Sex Pistols and goes on 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here' and people carry on like he's turned into Cliff Richard.

Of course rock and roll was always a middle class boys club, hence why Richmond boy Jagger can accept a knighthood because he didn't really mean it whereas Finsbury Park boy Johnny who most defiantly did mean it is expected to stay poor.

The whole idea of rock and roll as an anti-establishment force is nonsense. Record companies are massive establishment run businesses.Even indie labels rely on them for distribution and production. Do you honestly believe that anything truly radical would be allowed through?

The only hope for anything truly radical in music is to take the money out of it and have songs freely distributed. No vested interests. No managers. No promoters. Nothing that raises the performer to the status of landed gentry. Just freely distributed music and performances that afford the musicians a living wage. No truly radical artist would accept money from a large multi-national or government. In truth rock and roll has never been more rebellious than the level of 'fuck you I won't tidy my bedroom' or 'I want sex'. In other words it was never anything more than an entertaining diversion and now it's over. Teenage angst has paid off well. Now leave it alone.

So there.

Posted by Clairwil at 9:38 PM BST
Updated: 19/06/05 9:55 PM BST
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What Would Maggie Do?
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: Le Garage- The Futureheads
Topic: Hurrah!


Despite intense provocation from assorted idiots I've had a very good day. Penguin have released a selection of slim paperbacks priced #1.50 to celebrate their 70th anniversary. I have just finished 'The Snobs' by Muriel Spark which features four of her short stories. My favourite story is 'The Executor' partly because it contains the following genius line.

'O God, everlasting and almighty,' I prayed 'make me strong, and guide and lead me as to how Mrs Thatcher would conduct herself in circumstances of this nature.'

What a prayer! It's brilliant and I have recited it to myself at several trying moments throughout the day. I remember a journalist, whose name escapes me, reciting an anecdote in which Mrs T found herself in the unfortunate situation of her leg becoming the object of an amourous dog's affections. In public. Whilst making a speech. Whereas any normal person would have run around yelling 'get it off me'!, Maggie carried on the speech as if nothing was happening. I must say I do admire that ability to ignore any occurrence or circumstance that displeases one and appear completely unflustered.

As a socialist this is not the first time I have looked at Thatcher and thought why couldn't she have been one of ours? Still there's always Rosie Kane.


Posted by Clairwil at 10:49 PM BST
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A Bacardi Breezer Causes An Existential Crisis.....
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: Destroy The Heart- The House Of Love
Topic: Hurrah!


I watched a very good programme on Channel 5 of all channels earlier this evening presented by Germaine Greer about the history of feminism. Admittedly you would need a whole series to even begin to do the subject justice but as a brief intro it was excellent.

Greer outlines her belief that in settling for equality rather than liberation women have sold themselves short. She also challenges the idea that feminism is now irrelevant, having achieved all it was meant to. I must say I have always found the notion feminism had achieved it's goals baffling to say the least. Consider the appalling conditions in which women in the third world live or the fact that only one percent of the worlds wealth is owned by women. I suspect this view is as a result of the number of white middle class feminists who can't see further than their own career aspirations.

With hindsight it's easy to see the mistakes of history. For me, a low point of feminism occurred in the 1970's when they started attacking beauty contests. I cannot see the problem with beauty contests, the only women being judged are the contestants who to the best of my knowledge are there voluntarily. I get very irritated by women bleating about feeling pressure to conform to certain physical standards. I'm not a model, no-one pays me to look nice and as long as I can give myself the occasional wink when I pass a mirror I'm happy. The only reason to compare yourself unfavourably with a model is if you are a model and need to keep abreast of the competition. Otherwise you are just mentally ill.

I loathe the way certain women regard beauty as a competition and not as something to be admired. I cannot bear these shockingly small minded office boilers, sitting about, scoffing a family bar of Dairy Milk, bitching about thin women before waddling out of a evening to drink half a Bacardi Breezer then cry as the stifling nature of their small world overwhelms them. Of course none of them would do themselves a favour and read The Female Eunuch because it contains more pages than The Daily Mail and the fear of actually learning something is too strong. Which is a shame as they would benefit enormously from books central message that, in failing to live up to live up to some unrealistic ideal of womanhood, they haven't failed, as the goal was always beyond their grasp.


Posted by Clairwil at 10:54 PM BST
Updated: 07/06/05 11:07 PM BST
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