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Clairwil
21/08/05
Clairwil Is Violated By An Asshat!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Carmen-Bizet
Topic: Persecution.
Afternoon,

I have received a message from one of my readers whom I'll call Ewen regarding Asshats. I have reproduced said message below which I think makes Ewen a guest blogger. Please make him welcome.

An asshat is a term applied to one who has their head firmly ensconced in their nether regions. Alex Kapranos for example. Also applicable to one who has their head up the arse of a second party.

Must go. My Hotmail is doing evil things. It seems to be loading the MSN shopping page whilst i compose my emails, thus wiping anything i've typed. The Bastards!

Good luck with the Cabbage thing. You know it makes sense.......................



Anyway I have some terrible news. For the last seven years or so my boyfriend and I have been concealing the fact we are an item from our respective families. There is no real reason for this, neither of us are married and we're both over the age of consent. We are just a pair of weirdos who would prefer not to be asked about wedding bells and the patter of tiny feet by aged relatives.

Anyway we were happy, we weren't harming anyone. Anyone thinking rationally about the situation would conclude we should be left alone. However people being in the most part a chilling combination of nosiness, stupidity and sheer evil, it couldn't last. Someone has blabbed! An asshat has grassed us up to my boyfriends entire family! Naturally he has denied everything and will continue to do so as long as I'm running the show. But I'm fucking furious with the grass. So furious I am at a loss as to how to punish them. I don't have any dirt on them so can't expose them to any needless in law horror. What makes it worse is that I have never so much as raised my voice at the person who committed this terrible crime. They have no reason to wish to harm me. They knew I didn't want his family or mine for that matter sticking their beaks in. Why in the name of God have they done this? They have kept quiet for 3 whole years, why spoil things now.

I just feel betrayed and violated by the whole business particularly as until now I considered said grass a friend. Well no more, I shall never so much as look at them from now until I die.

Why are people so intolerant? Why does everyone demand that everyone behave in exactly the same way? Why can't they mind their own fucking business?

Answers please.

Cheerio


Posted by Clairwil at 2:57 PM BST
Post Comment | Permalink
24/06/05
A Prisoner Of Fear
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Racine No1- Racine
Topic: Persecution.

Evening,

I am under siege, a prisoner in my own home! Someone or something has knocked on my front door twice this evening. I am not expecting anyone, not even debt collectors. There is no force on earth that would induce me to open the door to anyone I wasn't expecting. The last time I did it my mother was there, large as life and twice as terrifying. The time before that it was Mormons. This time it could be a murderer!

I am constructed in such a way that means I cannot have company unexpectedly. Socialising takes a lot out of me. I need to know someone for at least a year before I lose the feeling that I'm being judged. It's not my fault, years of people gawping at me wearing an expression of total incredulity saying 'why?' to some innocuous opinion I have expressed have taken their toll. I am truly sorry I am not the same as everyone else.

I'm afraid I have nothing to report. No exciting plans for the weekend. Nothing. I'm going to Amsterdam for three days in September but until then the days stretch out ahead of me emptily.


Cheerio


Posted by Clairwil at 10:06 PM BST
Updated: 24/06/05 11:00 PM BST
Post Comment | Permalink
17/06/05
I Fucking Hate Cameras At Parties!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Got Your Money- Ol' Dirty Bastard
Topic: Persecution.

Evening,

Depending on the company I have been known to enjoy a party. Yes, swishing around, drinking myself silly, deluding myself that people are laughing with rather than at me. Imagine if you will, young Clairwil done up like a beast telling one of her eight jokes and flaunting at least two of her affectations. A happy scene until some fucker appears with a camera. No matter how many times I explain that I can't be photographed they will not be restrained. 'I'm special like Diana' I say ' If you persist in brandishing that lens at me I will surely die in a car crash' I explain. All to no avail.

I recently had the horrifying experience of being shown pictures of myself at the work's Christmas party. I did not want them taken. I did not want to see them. I explained all this to no avail. What is wrong with these people?

If those pictures had never been taken I would never have known I look like Meatloaf only fatter, redder and sweatier. I don't look like that in the mirror. How on earth did I change in to Meatloaf in front of a camera? I am pictured with three pensioners and am still the least attractive person in the photo!

Earlier in the week a member of staff at the BBC commented that I should have my own show because I was 'fucking hilarious', 'mental' and 'wasted' in my current job. Now there are pictures being circulated of me looking like fucking Meatloaf. My T.V career surely lies in tatters.

Moving on, I found this test on this excellent blog and pinched it. Apparently I am Apocalypse Now. I've never seen that film, so I'm unsure how I feel about being it. Is being like a war film a good thing?




What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com





Posted by Clairwil at 10:56 PM BST
Updated: 17/06/05 11:37 PM BST
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