People Are Too Stupid To Be Trusted With The Vote.
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Clouds- Hole
Topic: Election Special.




Evening,

Well despite my tactical vote, evil triumphed in Glasgow Central. I sincerely hope all 13,518 of you contract MRSA in a filthy hospital under the care of your beloved Labour Party and then I will dance round you singing 'Ha Ha that's what you voted for. Scum the lot of you!' What does it take to make these fucking sub-literate morons stop voting Labour? I loathe, hate and detest that west of Scotland 'well ah vote Labour cos ma faither did' mentality. I wouldn't mind if they didn't realise Labour were shite, but they do. Everyone in Glasgow knows the Labour controlled council are corrupt, incompetent, lying, self-serving demons and that the Labour government aren't much better. Yet, still they persist, plodding down to the polling station, voting for a Labour party that has done nothing but sell them down the river and treat them with contempt. I keep myself sane by imagining that one day people will raise their expectations.

However I was greatly cheered by George Galloway's triumph over the odious Oona King. Did you see the look on her face? She was fizzing mad! O how I laughed. I can't wait to see the look on Blair's face at prime minister's questions when George rises up like the demon king in a nightmare pantomime and asks a question. Blair looks like he's close to the edge as it is, this could push him over. However rather than leave anything to chance let's get the fucker impeached.


Cheerio.

What Does It Take?
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Kiss-Marilyn Monroe
Topic: Election Special.




Evening,
Isn't it exciting? Just hours away from the third successive coronation of King Blair. I'm still being harassed by the Labour Party and their followers. This evenings scare tactics came courtesy of a John Prescott and John O'Farrell pincer movement. The tone of John O'Farrell's e-mail was distinctly menacing; threatening me with a visit from John Prescott unless I voted Labour. What effrontery! Well they can both piss right off! I have positioned a statue of Ganesh in my hall and I am sitting in front of a statue of Kali. Ha! I have my god's and knives and I fear nothing. In any case, it's too late, I sprang out of bed, quick as a fox and marched round to the polling station first thing. In a historic first I voted tactically rather than on principle. Now if at least 8500 people in my constituency have done the same I'll be laughing. Still this being Glasgow I doubt Labour have much to worry about. This city's slavish devotion to a Labour party who correctly believe that because the electorate are loyal they can kick them as they please is to say the least frustrating. What does it take disillusion people?


Anyway I'm off now to despair at the election coverage.


Cheerio

Tony Blair and Gordon Brown Are Stalking Me
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: Big Rock Candy Mountain- Harry McClintock
Topic: Election Special.
Evening,

In a chilling re-run of last nights Alan Milburn e-mail terror, now Gordon Brown and Tony Blair are sending me e-mails. Where in the name of God did the Labour party get my e-mail address and more to the point why do they keep accusing me of having voted for them last time?

For the love of God make them stop!


Cheerio.

Alan Milburn Is Stalking Me And Other Inbox Horror!
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: Girl From The North Country-Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash
Topic: Election Special.



As long term readers will be aware, I am a martyr to my nerves, so you can imagine how distressed I was to receive an e-mail purporting to be from Alan Milburn of New Labour infamy. Sensing danger I leapt up and put the chain on the front door before I opened it. How the bloody hell did he get my e-mail address. Does he read this blog? If so, has it taught him nothing?

Anyway the e-mail of terror just bangs on about how it will be all my fault if I vote for another party and Labour lose the election, pleads for donations and asks me to help Labour out on a voluntary basis at my local polling station.

What piffle! I've never voted Labour in my life! I was strutting about secondary school calling Kinnock a right wing pig. I was not fooled by Blair for one fraction of a second. Labour managed to sneak in at the last two elections despite my best efforts. Furthermore I don't know why they keep trying to scare everyone with the thought of another Tory government, when there is in fact no difference between them and the Tories. Quite apart from anything else, the local Labour Candidate
standing in my constituency (Glasgow Central) used to employ a friend of my brothers and 'forgot' to pay his national insurance stamp for over two years. I can only conclude therefore that the man is at worst a fraud and at best a fool. Either way I don't like him at all. Not one little bit. And he's a millionaire. Cunt.

I then noted another strange e-mail nestled in my inbox entitled 'YOU: EXPLAINED'. Naturally I was wild with anticipation as I clicked to open it. After all these years there is an explanation, is it scientific? I hope not, I thought. I have always believed I would be best explained by art. Science would only come up with something preposterous about cells and dust.

Alas no explanation was forthcoming, it was just a junk e-mail trying to sell me some sort of new age pish. I may have to forward it to my mother who, like most deranged menopausal women, is an authority on these things.

Anyway after this evening's trauma, I'm going for a lie down.

Cheerio.

UPDATE: I finally know who I am going to vote for, thanks to this very helpful site.

Were Politics Always This Boring?
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Spellbound- Siouxsie and The Banshees
Topic: Election Special.


Evening,

A right-wing broadsheet, which came into my possession by means I am too ashamed to reveal, advises me that Labour have a wee form on their website which generates a personal manifesto based on your circumstances.

I can exclusively reveal following, an investigation that it's true. So there you go, the Murdoch press do tell the truth occasionally.

Anyway to meander on towards the point I filled in my details and 'Our Promises To Clairwil' appeared.
They're not terribly exciting and not at all what I wanted. Labour have promised me prosperity which they will achieve by continuing to 'maintain economic stability'. What a swizz! I'm not prosperous just now, so I fail to see how keeping the economy in exactly the same condition will make me any better off. They could at least have offered me a small car, even a tenner would have been something. They have also promised to improve the health service but they've been saying that for years and everyone keeps catching MRSA so I fear the worst on that score. Finally I am to be presented with a 'stronger and safer community' which as far as I can make out means more police.

So there we are I'm getting fuck all and all these extra police about mean I can't even go and nick something in a Robin Hood style wealth redistribution exercise.

Click here to marvel at the bounty another Labour term has to offer. Just don't spend it all at once.

Cheerio

Who to Vote For And A Horrible Discovery!
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: Tyrant-The Bravery
Topic: Election Special.
Evening, I'm posting again because I have to do seven posts a week otherwise I'll come out in a rash and I won't be posting on Wednesday because I'll be too busy. Anyway on one of my web based sightseeing missions I came across a site that tells people who to vote for based on their answers to a series of questions. I genuinely don't know who to vote for this time. I can't vote Tory because I'm not sub-human middle England Tax evading sum. I can't vote Labour because I'm not sub-human middle England tax evading sum. Or a class traitor. Or a liar. Or a murderer. Or incompetent. Or stupid. I feel no great enthusiasm for voting SSP this time as I am still outraged at their appalling treatment of Tommy Sheridan and would like to send them a message via the polls. I can't vote Green because they're too bloody nice. I can't vote Liberal Democrat because they're opposed to Scottish independence and dull. Which leaves the SNP who are for independence but hardly inspiring. Although I did hear that Nicola Sturgeon is nicknamed Gnasher after allegedly biting a gentleman friends cock, which makes me more inclined to go with the SNP option. Anyway according to this questionnaire I get a score of 92 in favour of the Lib Dems, 92 for the Greens and oh my God! 12 for UKIP. UKIP! Jesus Christ! Am I turning into Robert Kilroy Silk? Can it be cured? UKIP! I'm not mad! Why? The Results of Shame!

Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Green

Your actual outcome:

Labour -26
Conservative -53
	Liberal Democrat 92
	UK Independence Party 12
	Green 92

You should vote: Liberal Democrat

The LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.



You should vote: Green

The Green Party, which is of course strong on environmental issues, takes a strong position on welfare issues, but was firmly against the war in Iraq. Other key concerns are cannabis, where the party takes a liberal line, and foxhunting, which unsurprisingly the Greens are firmly against.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For