Anarchy In The Ochils
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: Man Size- PJ Harvey
Topic: Here is the News

Evening,

'Demonstrators from a range of anti-capitalist, anti-globalization and anarchist groups scattered across an oat field when the police charged. A handful threw stones and clods of earth at the police.'

Just ponder the beauty of the above. Fighting police in an oat field, how lovely! I don't know why but the thought of violence in an oat field makes me feel slightly dreamy.

The cheeky anarchists have redeemed themselves slightly with today's antics although I still want the cunts that wrecked those flowerbeds birched. I saw the scamps on the news earlier attacking Burger King and various high st banks which strike me as legitimate targets. I was further tickled by the cheeky mooning display. I don't think mooning as a form of political protest is used nearly enough and I hope to see more of it in the future. To set a good example I will place a specially commissioned portrait of my arse on my I-D card when I'm eventually forced to carry one. Fat lot of good their iris recognition pish will do them then. That'll fuck the fuckers.

For some reason stacks of police were lurking at St Mungos Primary School as I was passing earlier today, thus foiling my plan to invade the school and murder a few teachers. It was horrible I felt like Tippy Hedren in The Birds; everywhere I looked there was a policeman waiting to pounce. It was disgusting! They were lurking behind trees peeping, just peeping. I put on a particularly flamboyant hat I had in my bag in an effort to scare them off. I'm pleased to report that it worked and I was left unmolested.

I'm off now to marvel at the stupidity of Sharon Davies on Newsnight.

Cheerio

The King Of Chavs
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Come On-The Rolling Stones
Topic: Here is the News

Evening,

I see the ruler of all the Chavs has had an ASBO slapped on him. Lets hope this doesen't lead a mass rebellion by the Chavs. I don't think my nerves could stand it.

I am of course referring to 'lotto lout' Michael Carroll. I must say I thought it was hilarious when he won the lottery and the press started demanding that 'something should be done'. It was as if everyone took leave of their senses. It's a lottery for fucks sake not a prize for good behaviour! I took particular delight in winding up the old trouts in my previous work about it, as they sat vinegar faced tutting into their tabloids.

I'm in two minds about Anti Social Behaviour Orders. On the one hand I think it's entirely fair that anti social morons have their rights curtailed but many of these orders seem to be for totally ridiculous offences. According to the Five news earlier this evening a women was given an ASBO for answering the door in her underwear which strikes me as something of an overreaction. I'm also not altogether convinced that they work. If I were in charge I'd lock the anti social little fuckers up in a special university until they'd passed a degree in Humanities at a 2:1 or above. My solution kills two birds with one very large stone in that it keeps them off the streets and tackles their monstrous stupidity.

Cheerio

Ever Thought About Becoming A Catholic Priest?
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Dear Prudence- Siouxsie And The Banshees.
Topic: Here is the News


Evening,

I see the Catholic church have hit on the wizard wheeze of advertising for priests on beermats. Get them drunk first- very clever. The sneaky old sausages. I can't see the appeal of the religious life apart from the free drink, loose women and the free house. But you could get all that and be open about your depravity simply by marrying someone rich and generous. Nowadays everyone just thinks priests are kiddie fiddlers, there's no respect for the profession anymore.

Other than the above very little has caught my attention on the news today. The Jackson trial jury are still spinning out the ridiculous debacle. I'm starting to suspect he might get away with it. Either way I wish they'd hurry up.

Should anything catch my attention in the next few hours I might go mad and post again.


Cheerio

A nice young lady, the IRA and the Daily Mail go into a bar.
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Covered in Punk- Portobella
Topic: Here is the News
Important news! I have had my existence officially confirmed by a very nice young lady from Edinburgh who left a comment regarding my 'Watch with Mother'
entry. It's nice to see I'm not alone in my alarm at the increasingly yuck nature of daytime TV. I really don't know why the rest of you are so shy, especially you Mr Alisdair!
Anyway the nice young lady from Edinburgh has a blog of her very own which I can recommend Shopping for Girls

On to more serious affairs. Have the provisional IRA gone mad? Honestly what a leap of logic! Sorry about your brother, do you want us to shoot some people? I must admit if it had been a member of my family I'd be sorely tempted to give them the nod.

In fact there are stacks of people I'd like to see shot. I feel a campaign coming on.

We could have a vote to nominate celebrities for the IRA to shoot (all proceeds to charity). It's a win-win situation. We the public get to see the last of Jimmy Carr (for example) and they create a massive distraction from their current troubles and work off a bit of pent up aggression.

I'm going to end up under house arrest if the Home Secretary reads this aren't I?

So in view of the above, might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb and all that. If any members of the provisional IRA are reading could they please shoot Tony Blair?

And now crime and punishment! Kilmarnock prison- open drug use, chocolate, papers , fags delivered to your cell by warders who don't rattle their keys in case they wake you up.

Can you imagine what the Daily Mail will make of it? ASYLUM SEEKING TEENAGE MUMS SET FIRE TO MIDDLE CLASS CHILD TO ACCESS LIFE OF LUXURY BEHIND BARS SHOCK!!!!!!! or perhaps THE END OF THE WORLD IS NIGH!!!! I don't know why they bother with headlines. They should just print a picture of a different minority scapegoat every day with THIS WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED UNDER THE NAZIS!stamped across it.
It's what they really want to say isn't it?