Tom Cruise And The Microphone Of Horror!
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Suckerpunch- The Wildhearts
Topic: Trivia


Evening,

Isn't the news exciting these days. Celebrity short arse Tom Cruise had some water squirted in his face for a prank. To discuss this weighty issue Channel Five news required the presence of an
expert to explain that having water squirted in his face was 'totally alien to Tom's world'. Well if Channel Five reckon that Tom has never had anything wet squirted onto his face by a long object then who are we to argue?

According to The Scotsman Sharon Osbourne was also a recent victim of the 'squirting microphone' trick and responded by borrowing a champagne bucket full of iced water from a nearby restaurant and dumping it over the prankster. I'm no fan of Mrs Osbourne but her reaction showed far more class than standing about looking fucking destroyed muttering 'you're a jerk.

I hate practical jokes, but when you're a victim you have to at least pretend to think it's funny otherwise the joker wins and you can get better revenge if they don't know you're pissed off. I was once the victim of a cruel hoax. A 30 something sexual inadequate told everyone they'd shagged me when they hadn't. I think they were trying to divert attention from the fact that they still lived with their parents. Anyway I realised that if their behaviour wasn't nipped in the bud they'd be telling everyone they'd had me up the arse and I'd have to flee to the continent like Oscar Wilde. So cunning as a fox I snuck into their room in the halls of residence my college class were holidaying in and peed on their bed. That was only phase one! I spent the rest of the year merrily spreading poison and encouraging people to bully my tormentor to the extent that they had to leave and go to a different college the following year. As I think the above clearly demonstrates I hate practical jokes. If I was Tom Cruise I would have laughed so that everyone thought I was a good sport then sneakily hired a hit man and had the prankster killed.


Cheerio.