Now Playing: Repeat-The Manic Street Preachers
Topic: Firebomb The Bank
Words fail me! I see in today's Herald that The Bank Of Scotland are in hot water for their staff motivation tactics.
To give you some background I had the awful misfortune to work in a bank for six years and am still fucking traumatised by what those evil bastards did to me. I swanned in a happy 23 year old and limped out having been perilously close to madness, alcohol addiction, obsessive compulsive behaviour and having developed a fondness for self mutilation. So I speak from experience when I tell you that almost without exception team leaders and supervisors in these pits of hell are nearly always prematurely old, fat, deeply conventional Daily Mail reading, Bridget Jones loving fascists.
With that off my chest, let us begin. Todays story concerns a 'manager' called Stacey who works in the Great Western Road branch of The Bank of Scotland. Anyway waste of sperm and egg Stacey decided she would motivate her staff by placing a cabbage on the desk, in full view of customers, of the staff member with the poorest sales figures which could only be moved when their figures improved. Anyway the poisonous, no doubt painfully suburban Stacey picked the wrong man when she decided to give young Darren the cabbage treatment. I should point out that Darren had just returned to work after a bout of meningitis hence his low sales figures. If any of the other staff in the branch were decent thinking human beings they would have responded to this corporate, childish bullying by going out and buying cabbages to place on their own desks and refusing to sell a single product until Stacey was sacked. However that didn't happen and instead young Darren's dad has contacted the press and the union who have correctly condemned the practice 'medieval and unacceptable'. It get's worse though, apparently HSBC got into trouble last year for making staff take off an item of clothing for failing to meet sales targets.
That is what disgusts me most about banks, they can be making millions or even billions in profits yet staff are to be put under constant pressure to rake in even more money. When I was imprisoned in a bank, if a customer called to ask for a #5000 loan you were supposed to put the hard sell on them to take #10,000 with insurance. Even if you thought the customer would struggle financially as a result or was already struggling financially you were still expected to encourage them to take bigger loans to 'consolidate' their debts.
I have launched many a campaign on this blog which you have all ignored but this time I urge, I beg you all to join in. Think of all the times in your life you have been made to feel like rubbish, when someone has humiliated you so completely that you wish you could disintegrate and cease to exist or when you have been so angry but powerless and wished the force of your hate alone was enough to kill your tormentor. C'mon we've all been there. So my request to you on this humid evening is to do at least one of the following.
1. Post a cabbage to Stacey, The Bank Of Scotland, 701 Great Western Road, Glasgow, G12 8RB.
2. Post a picture of a cabbage to the above address if your too skint/stingy to pay the postage.
3. Place as many cabbages as you can at the entrance of your nearest Bank Of Scotland.
4. Close any accounts you have with The Bank Of Scotland and write to tell them you are doing so as a result of the 'Great Western Road Cabbage Incident'.