Now Playing: Man Size-PJ Harvey
Topic: The Blackhearted Prods.
There I was wandering home in the sunshine wondering what on earth to write in my blog this evening, when God intervened. A very attractive black gentleman appeared and handed me two leaflets containing shocking revelations about the Vatican. I have never been so surprised in my life!
The leaflets were written by Tony Alamo of the Holy Alamo Christian Church and claim that Abraham Lincoln and John F Kennedy were assassinated by Jesuits acting on orders from Rome! More alarming still, if you receive a blessing from the Vatican, especially from the Pope himself you will come to a sticky end. Here are some choice quotes.
'Mrs Sherman, wife of the American General Sherman, received the Golden Rose ("blessing" from the Pope). It proved fatal, and she died soon after.'
'The Pope blessed the Emperor's widow. She became a hopeless maniac and died in exile.'
And my favourite which is still making me laugh out loud.
'The Pope blessed a steamer filled with nuns en route to South America in 1870. It never reached it's destination, every soul perishing.'
I hate nuns. They are joyless, sadistic, child abusing, old cunts. One of them, who I think went by the name of Sister Mary Collette, tried to put our Micheal in a bag. So anything involving dead nuns was always going to get a giggle from me, but the above is fucking genius.
The rest of it rattles on in similarly demented fashion, reminiscent of being trapped inside Ian Paisley's head. It's also very rude, it calls the Vatican a 'prostitute' and a 'big whore'. The really strange thing is that it quotes the Bible throughout, which seems a bit odd given that The Bible was put together by the Catholic Church; unless of course they have a special prod bible sent down by God during the reformation.
I have to say I find their claim that the whole world is run by the Vatican very hard to believe, I mean look at their army for fucks sake. The Swiss Guards are hardly the SAS.