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Why Does She Pretend To Like Me?
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: I Will Follow-U2
Topic: I Know Nothing

Let's kick off with a big round of applause for Alan who tracked down my secret blog that none of you know about. I have just had a look at his blog and there is a very good picture of an owl on it today. I like owls very much indeed.

Owls aside, I'm mildly irritated this evening. I bumped into to someone who used to be my friend on the way home from work. Why does this woman persist in pretending to like me? I have absolutely no idea what I said or did to upset her. One day she announced that she was moving house and would forward her new contact details to me, but never did. Then every time I bumped into her she'd ask for my phone number so that we could arrange to go out, but never offered her number in return. Every time I see her I feel like screaming 'I'm not stupid, I know you hate me, just drop the act.' Unfortunately I'm just too well brought up to carry on in such a manner.

Tonight I saw her walking towards me and tried to avoid eye contact so that I could sneak past unnoticed. However she spotted me and fussed round me for at least five minutes, which felt like at least a week. I'm really starting to get annoyed with this ridiculous situation. Would it be bad form to explain to her that I know she has no wish to spend any time in my company and that whilst I cannot pretend to understand such an abnormal feeling, I'm not all that bothered, then ask her if we can just stop this pointless charade of friendship?

I'm not a huge fan of people who always say what they mean, as they are nearly always ill mannered blow hards but I'd prefer that to this series excruciating meetings.


Posted by Clairwil at 8:29 PM BST
Updated: 15/09/05 9:52 PM BST
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Can The Apocalypse Be Far Behind?
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Van Lear Rose-Loretta Lynn
Topic: I Know Nothing


I found this on my morning net bummel. I find the stupidity and gross materialism of these clowns so depressing. Naming a child Focaccia, surely they jest?

It reminds me of an irritating fat bird I was at school with who would typically describe her outfit as follows 'I'm wearing my black trousers, my Chanel and my black jacket.' As if that made her seem really classy rather than like someone not used to owning designer clothes.

Anyway it's sunny outside so I'm off out to take advantage of this rare opportunity to wear sunglasses without looking like a prick.


UPDATE: That's the fucking rain on! That's the fucking sunglasses off!

Posted by Clairwil at 12:38 PM BST
Updated: 29/05/05 12:51 PM BST
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Still Not Getting Angry- Day Two
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Pin-Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Topic: I Know Nothing

I'm still on my mission to empty my head of all useful content and keep well away from the nasty things in life (except for dealing with the Home Office-a sadly unavoidable task in work). To help me in my mission I have purchased a copy of Vogue and spent the evening looking at the pictures.

On another subject entirely, aren't Americans the best people in the world. I know of no other nation who could so something like this with a straight face. We won't have half as much to laugh at when American world dominance ends and the red Chinese rule the roost. Thank-you to regular reader Mr Alisdair for drawing my attention to the above truly breathtaking example of American rock genius.

Sianis a victim of sexual harrassment in the executive box.

The sexploitation of Jamie4U continues.


Posted by Clairwil at 9:23 PM BST
Updated: 11/04/05 9:38 PM BST
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Ignoring The Nasty Things In Life and Channeling Diana.
Mood:  silly
Now Playing: Slow Hands- Interpol
Topic: I Know Nothing

After the trauma and outrage of Friday. I have decided to ignore everything I don't like. I am striving to be like the person who once remarked to me 'I wish I knew about politics the way you do. I just can't see the difference between the Conservatives and the Tories and all that.'

Would it surprise you to learn I no longer speak to this person? I'd like to pretend it was over something high minded but it was a brawl over a man that caused us to fall out. I won, he turned out to be gay and is now bald. I don't speak to him either. I should probably have learned a valuable lesson from the whole hilarious incident, but still feel I was in the right. After all it is unreasonable to expect a woman of my breeding and stature to be defeated in any argument by someone who resembles Lulu with Downs Syndrome.

To return to the point. I am ignoring everything I don't like and have decided to become interested in cosmetics in place of politics. To aid me in my quest I have purchased 'Face Forward' by the late,great make up artist Kevyn Aucoin.
As a result all I have to worry about is whether to go for the Bette Davis look or instead plump for the Alla Nazimova look. I suspect Alla may be more realistic for me given that my face is starting to resemble a startled silent movie heroine at all times. Honestly, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror yesterday in the hairdressers and from my facial expression, you'd have thought I was about to be tied to the tracks by a moustache twirling villain rather than get a cut and blow dry.

On the subject of my trip to the hairdressers, I cannot recommend highly enough the protein boost treatment I received. First conditioner was put on my head, then I was given an Indian head massage.Finally a hot damp towel was wrapped around my head and I was left alone with my dreams. It was most relaxing and even though I don't like being touched by anyone I'm not shagging very,very enjoyable. When I am rich I will have one everyday.

Of course the trip to the hairdressers was all part of the ignore everything I don't like plan. Yes, I was avoiding the wedding of The Prince of Wales and the new Lidl version Princess of Wales (still pretending to be the Duchess of Cornwall, so as not to frighten the horses). When I saw something in the paper about the blessing they'd chosen about 'wickedness' I just thought the manky, perverted, adulterous toff weirdos are getting turned on by that. Yuck! God, can you imagine those fucking bestial demons and their rutting antics? Yuck! Therefore I realised that even a small glimpse of the no doubt sycophantic, fawning coverage would distress me and escaped to the hairdressers to avoid sight of the disgusting, deceitful,degenerate beasts cementing their sickening, evil union. Yuck I bet she's got a tail and a third nipple.

But it's time stop channeling Diana, I'm off now to play with a ball of wool and stare at shiny objects. I promise I won't even glance sideways at anything by Karl Marx.


Posted by Clairwil at 10:08 PM BST
Updated: 10/04/05 10:19 PM BST
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