Poverty and my feet are killing me.
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb-U2
Topic: Skint
I got up with a spring in my step this morning as today is the holiest day of my month -payday. Upon getting to the cash point I discovered to my horror that my wages were not in. I had a grant total of 18 pence to my name. As a result I learned that it takes one hour and fifty minutes to walk from my house to my work. And what an attractive journey that is, passing through Haghill on foot being the highlight. Honestly I was close to tears by the time I got to Easterhouse. A work colleague very kindly slipped me a tenner although I don't actually know where my salary is or when I'm getting my mitts on it. Boing go the direct debits, rumble goes my stomach. My feet are horribly blistered and I feel like the Little Mermaid -every step on earth is agony. However I may have been saved by a rather unlikely source. I received an e-mail this evening from someone acting on behalf of exiled former president of Liberia Charles Taylor offering me quarter of a million pounds in exchange for a few personal details. Apart from the obvious ethical dimension -I don't accept blood money in quantities of less than one million, How fucking stupid do these people think I am?

Ongoing SSP drama/ Caught by the Fuzz.
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Motorcycle Emptiness-The Manic Street Preachers
Topic: The ongoing Scandal.
It has been brought to my attention by a popular Scottish broadsheet that a crisis meeting of the SSP is to take place at the John Mclean centre. Nice to see the party continuing to keep its members up to date by telling only a small group of activists. I have to say I feel very let down. I suppose the party exec are concerned that if the meeting were open to the wider membership a riot would ensue with irate socialists demanding Tommys immediate reinstatement. Most disappointing of all is the petty puritanism of the parliamentary group. Nobody outside the gutter press actually cares about Tommy Sheridans personal affairs and it would be nice if those responsible for this debacle would acknowledge that. They may also wish to explain how it is consistent that a party opposed to discrimination
against gays and lesbians can justify sacking someone on the basis of accusations about their sex life.

On an entirely different subject I met a trio of policemen today at work. I was petrified. There is something about authority that instantly makes me feel guilty. Mercifully the meeting passed without incident and I was delighted to note the Sergeant was rather plump which lent him an air of authority.

On to yet more trivial matters. Does anyone know why the rulers of U.K television persist in showing umpteen episodes of each soap every week the minute it looks like people are enjoying it? It is as if they say to themselves 'Well we have a nice top quality twice weekly show here getting good ratings, lets ruin it and show it every night and see how long it takes the public to notice they are watching total shite' It's evil! The only way I would watch five episodes of Coronation St in a week would be if they brought back my heroine Julie Goodyear aka Bet Lynch. Yes I know it's been tried but I remain convinced it could work.

Prince Charles
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Americas Sweetheart-Courtney Love
Topic: Twat
I have long been aware that Prince Charles is a loathsome, self-pitying half wit but his recent remarks suggest I may have been too soft on him.
Here is a man who swans into Oxford with piss poor exam results because his mother is Queen. Gets handed a nineteen year old virgin when he decides to get married because his mother is Queen. Will one day be head of state because his mother is Queen.
A man who if forced to go into the real world and succeed on natural skill and ability would be lucky to get a job as a janitor. Yet he sees fit to lecture the rest of us on accepting our limitations and knowing our place. I am only too painfully aware of my place in society. For example I know that from the moment I was conceived no matter what talent I may have gone on to possess I was unfit to be head of state in my own country. When that jug-eared waste of tax payers money actually achieves something on the basis of hard work and merit I'll be happy to listen to his opinions. In the meantime he really should keep his mouth shut and go back to killing wildlife and fucking old trout.
Could we not go back to beheading these people?

Current Affairs
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Vertigo-U2
Topic: Sue!
My local M.P George Galloway was in court today suing The Torygraph. I hope he takes the pricks for the lot, then distributes the winnings amongst his constituents to thank us for our support. I could do with cheering up after the distressing revelations about certain backstabbing members of the SSP at the weekend.
Good to see Mr Sheridan contacting his lawyers to sue the News of the World. If I were him I'd use my winnings to hire a hit man to see off the snakes in the grass.
Now poor old England is set to join the miserable roll call of countries where you can't smoke in peace. I am now fully convinced that there is nothing worse than an ex-smoker. Both Tony Blair and
John Reid are ex-smokers and clearly fucking jealous health nazis who want to spoil things for committed smokers just because they haven't got the guts to risk a bit of cancer. Wankers.

Idle chit chat
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Cabaret Soundtrack-Various
Topic: Two Books
I have just finished two books. One very entertaining in a trashy way and the other frankly frightening. The first 'How to Make Love Like a Porn Star' by Jenna Jameson and Neil Strauss details the rather lovely Jenna's adventures in the adult entertainment industry. It is worth buying for her account of spurning of the vile Bruce Willis' advances. That man really is a total prick. In addition to the above I, as a deep intellectual type cannot help but notice the fabulous pictures throughout. The second book is a Morrissey biography 'Scandal and Passion' by David Bret. It's hard to know what to say other than that if Morrissey is found strangled somewhere with Bret muttering 'now we can be together' over his body, I shall not be surprised. If I were Morrissey I'd treat myself to several vicious dogs and some window locks.

O slight joy
Mood:  flirty
Now Playing: Slow Hands-Interpol
Topic: Tommy Sheridan
Ha! In a shock move the allegations have been denied by Mr Sheridan. I think it prudent to refer to a man at the centre of a sex scandal as Mr. First names look too intimate and could expose all concerned to public comment. I was rather hoping they were true. I have always thought 'ways' or 'fetishes' were part of a great leaders make up.

O' God why did have to be him?
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Disappointed-Morrissey
Topic: Tommy Sheridan
You will note in my previous entry I mentioned a political scandal was about to break in the News of the World. I was looking forward to giving some manky Labour MSP a good kicking in todays entry.
You can therefore imagine my horror at finding that it is Tommy Sheridan at the centre of these revelations. I'm not entirely sure what he's done wrong. If I had lots of attractive women or men for that matter offering it to me on a plate I'd be in like a shot. As I see it he made the error of trusting someone called Fiona. In my experience people called Fiona are usually snidey, self-dramatising cows. I have never met a Fiona that I liked and todays revelations only confirm my worst suspicions. Now I on the other hand would have been discreet. If only he'd come to me. I'm sure my current sparring partner would have understood and been only to glad to lend his bird to the workers struggle on an occasional basis. The most upsetting part of this whole tawdry scandal is that it was his own party that grassed him up. Socialists helping the Murdoch press sell papers by stitching up one of their own, Marx would be so proud.

Mood:  down
Now Playing: What she said-The Smiths
Topic: Dear God I am so bored.
I've been pottering about all day and achieved very little. On the plus side I have completed a review of Tony Benn's talk at the Theatre Royal in Glasgow earlier in the week. However since then it's been the usual round of red wine and o God what have I done with my life. I have been advised by an erratically reliable source that a big political scandal is due to break in todays News of the Screws
and have been checking the online edition eagerly to no avail.Am I alone in finding the word beak really funny?

Puritans, a lovely man and longing for escape.
O dear God a Scotland wide ban on smoking in public places was announced this week. I used to think Jack
McConnell just needed a good kicking now I am certain he should be shot.

As if thats not enough our dear Labour council in Glasgow have decided to adopt a zero tolerance approach to lap dancing! It is worth bearing in mind that Glasgow is the poorest city in Britain and the murder capital of Europe. So good to see the council tackling the important stuff.

On a happier note I saw Tony Benn and the Theatre Royal in Glasgow earlier in the week. He was on fine form and drew a surprisingly large crowd considering the event took place on a midweek afternoon.

I remember reading something about a young lady, possibly an American who set up a website where people could donate money to her and save her from bankruptcy. I am pondering trying something similar to help me raise the money to emigrate to The Netherlands. I visited Amsterdam back in October, loved it and can't wait to get back.

Torquil
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Carmen
I nearly met someone called Torquil this week. Torquil! in Glasgow! What the fuck were his parents thinking of? Anyway perhaps as a result of my ever increasing unpopularity he escaped before we could be introduced. I need hardly say the boy has difficulties.