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Top of the British Blogs
Clairwil
10/10/05
Clairwil Fights An Executive Chair
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Season Of The Witch- Donovan
Topic: Hiya

Evening,

Have you ever sat in fascinated horror watching a really bad comedian making a dull series of cliched jokes about pants and buses? No? Well you have a choice, either track down a video of Alan Davies or keep reading this post.

I have had a run in with flat pack furniture. Before I continue, let me debunk a few myths. All the relevant parts were present and correct, as indeed they always are when I buy cheapo flat pack. The instructions were in simple clear English, not Arabic or Japanese, but simple English of the sort that could be readily understood by a five year old of average reading ability. Even without the help of the instructions it was obvious where everything went.

When my new chair was being ordered I giggled, I ranted, I shrieked, I behaved like a loon and demanded the 'Executive' chair. I saw it in the catalogue and fell in love with the sexy, big, black leather monster. People tried to reason with me, they showed me red chairs, pink chairs, patterned chairs but to no avail. 'Respect my authority, get the the executive, I demanded.' Unfortunately they did. Readers be very careful what you wish for.

Now, having met the wretched thing I hate it. Two hours of my fucking life wasted fighting with the merciless seat. The bloody monstrosity just would not stay still whilst I assembled it, worse still every time it moved (roughly three times a second) it made a noise akin to a flatulent pig. Thank fuck the person assisting me was deaf otherwise I'd have been forced to acknowledge the undignified racket and issue denials. The only drop of comfort I can draw from the whole unfortunate episode is that it isn't even real leather. For the death of a cow to have resulted in the production of such a foul and wicked item would have been too much for me bear.

Cheerio

Posted by Clairwil at 10:30 PM BST
Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink

11/10/05 - 11:06 PM BST

Name: alan
Home Page: http://thesemoments.blogspot.com/

No, I don't like the look of that chair one bit. Rip it to shreds before it devours you.

11/10/05 - 11:16 PM BST

Name: clairwil
Home Page: http://clairwil.tripod.com/clairwil

It has already been re-named 'The Executioner'. I'm on to it.

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